Fran Macilvey

About Fran Macilvey

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August 19, 2015

Mumsnet

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My friend, my good friend Clare Flourish notes at the side of her blog that she is a member of the Mumsnet bloggers network.

It was Clare who gave me the idea, which has been simmering, of asking if Mumsnet would find an article from me worthwhile, and Josephine who looks after such matters – bless her! – said yes.

'Thank You' by Moeez, July 2014
‘Thank You’ by Moeez, July 2014

Bless Mumsnet, which is an interesting, amusing and hugely informative network of information and ideas for like-minded souls. MN even have a jobs section, where you can ponder your next career move. And they post into my IN box a regular news update which helps to keep me informed about all the latest news and views.

I am delighted to be a member of such a wonderful community, and to have at my fingertips a resource of advice, companionship and almost limitless ideas. Here is my article, ‘I have cerebral palsy but refuse to let it define me’ which was posted yesterday afternoon.

Please pop in to comment, share and tweet (and do whatever else you would like to do – the site is so engrossing that I can happily spend a morning just browsing….)

 

A rose
A rose

Thanks so much for reading!

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August 12, 2015

Ableradio.com

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Ableradio.com

Imagine the scene. We are just in the door after a week away sunning ourselves in Italy. The house feels a bit odd and quiet, with mail scattered on the doormat, and two dishes left from a week ago, and there is a fair bit of washing and drying of clothes to get through, before we head off again the following day I take a moment to check the four hundred or so emails that greet my return home – thanks for the love-bomb, people.

E Philips Fox, 'A Love Story' 1903
E Philips Fox, ‘A Love Story’ 1903

Waiting in my email IN box is a lovely invitation from Michael McEwan a journalist and presenter with ableradio.com to appear on Able Radio. YAY! I pen a speedy reply with my electronic pen, and then, fingers crossed, head off for another week. Later on, Michael records us for a while, and afterwards we chat about everything and anything; and I can honestly say that Michael is the best (and kindest) presenter I have ever talked to. He has a knack of putting everyone at their ease. Later, of course, I could kick myself for thinking of lots of things I could have said, afterwards. But, I have now discovered a lovely place to listen to broadcasts from all over the UK, with groovy music and lively discussions around every issue of interest to the disability community and beyond. Ableradio is based in Wales but has regional presenters throughout the UK. Michael’s show goes out every Thursday from 7 – 8 pm. If you would like to listen to the programme, here is the link that should take you straight through to the broadcast. If you can, I would be delighted if you would tune in tomorrow, the 13th of August, when Michael and I will be chatting about how I came to write Trapped, and about my upcoming appearance at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.  (On Thursday 27th August at Venue 40, The Quaker Meeting House at Victoria Terrace, in central Edinburgh, I will be giving a reading and then there will be questions and answers.) Thanks for reading – and listening!

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August 10, 2015

Playing by the rules

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I never find it especially easy playing by the rules. In any case, I have always assumed life is meant to be fun.

Light traces of a carousel

I turned up at the pool very early on Saturday, found the main door open, so went in and changed. I forgot my purse, but then, I am on a membership, so no cash would be changing hands, and I figured I would clear it with them afterwards. I’ve done that before. There was no-one at the desk. I went in anyway, surprised it was so quiet, and then, as I was starting a second length, a guy came and told me I should not be in the pool.

The supervisor then kneeled to tell me he was really upset and angry, and confessed he could lose his job over it. He could not hear my side of the story, but had to leave, to get over his upset. All of which …… really devastated me. I still don’t know what to think. Is it likely, that a small thing like being in the pool ten minutes early could lose another person his job? Or was my tearful, fearful reaction merely a symptom of my disconnect from normal life: the usual back and forth of frightened employees, banter, words spoken in rixa that other people would simply shrug off? Perhaps working alone, I am less able than I used to be to take such statements as they come and bat them away. They sink in….

The door wasn’t closed, the desk was not barred, the pool was not switched off….none of the usual STOP signals were in place to jog my realization that actually, I was not supposed to be there until eight thirty.

We are all becoming tired of negotiating rules, regulations and restrictions that are enforced, but not all the time; some people are stricter, and more deeply upset, by perceived contraventions, but, though I may be careless, I am not malicious. Other people leap and splash over my head, wondering, what is her problem….? I just wish I could get warm, be somewhere easy to be….to be peaceful. I am sorry for the harm I cause, though perhaps that kind of comment reawakens feelings in me that go much deeper, back to a time when I felt useless, in the way, and frankly, unwanted. No wonder I was upset, then.

I am surprised. I thought I had grown through all that. But clearly, place me in a swimming costume, in a pool, and have someone say something sharp, and I go back to being small, vulnerable, and unhappy. Surprising, that.

Thank you – so much! – for reading.

 

 

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July 6, 2015

More Writing of the Radio Play

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During this balmy summer, with thunderstorms aplenty, I am unexpectedly gifted days here and there in which to write peacefully. There is always more writing of the radio play to set down, and so, I press on, feeling that I am up against a deadline, which suggests I want to get the structure and main plot lines in place by the end of August. (I wonder how much of my current word count consists of story, and how much is mere direction and instruction.)  

In small ways, I continually prevaricate, not because there is nothing to write, but because the medium of the spoken word takes me back to times, places and events I can hardly have anticipated, re-awakening feelings of surprise, and vulnerability. I prevaricate because it is difficult to bring myself to explore intimate weaknesses, not merely because it is a technical challenge.

'The reading Girl' by Repin
‘The reading Girl’ by Repin

There is unexpected joy here too, though, which keeps me focussed and determined. I mine my memories and they reward me with long-forgotten reminiscence. Other writers in this genre must surely find that while writing, nudges from the past feel the relief of being expressed, again. It interests and delights me to see how the process flows.

Despite the holidays, and the countless other things I could be doing, this current project seems to claim my attention, and so this is what I focus on. The focus comes in fits and starts, but slowly, we fill the lines with meaning.

Thanks for reading.

 

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June 1, 2015

All Together Now

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Hello my lovely friends. I’ve not been writing as many blog posts as usual, mainly because I’ve been so busy doing articles, following up leads, and setting up talks and readings which are coming up later on this year, as well as dealing with end-of- year stuff at school and a child who is hyper about the approaching summer holiday. Schools in Scotland break up at the end of June.  In the meantime, over the last few months, I have been learning so much, not only about what works, but how to keep moving forward in the best way. ‘All together now!’ shouts the sergeant at the front of the line. S/he may be right.

Often, we invest time and energy, and we have no notion whether they make any difference to the outcome. It is my experience, however, that whenever I act sincerely, small steps of faith take me forward and deliver unexpected gifts when I am not looking for them.

Recently, an article appeared featuring yours truly, for which I am most pleased and grateful. Thank you to ‘All Together Now’ who featured this piece.

Writing about how disability encounters the mainstream, it’s not so much about statistics, though these remain fairly daunting. Neither am I especially keen to tell other people what to think or do: we all want as good, honest, happy and fulfilling lives as we can achieve. Yet, to harness all ability so that everyone can make the most of life, there is still room to improve awareness about the effects of disability, as well as improving accessibility, education and attainment levels. Where these are on the table for discussion, I encourage and motivate in any way I can. With small steps of faith, we all make a difference.

 

Earth, the Moon and Callisto
Earth, the Moon and Callisto

Thanks for reading.

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May 18, 2015

Wellbeing Web Magazine

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Janet Holt and Helen Parker together wrote an amazing book about Janet’s earlier life experiences, titled, ‘The Stranger In My Life’. As a relatively inexperienced reviewer, I remember reading large chunks of this book and being mesmerised. I sat in the dark as the gloaming grew deeper and read from the screen until I was chilled through; though I deliberately did not read the ending. Instead, I promised myself that I would read the whole story when it was finally published, as I had no doubt it would be.

Janet and Helen have remained firm friends ever since. Janet recently read my book, liked it, and then very kindly invited me to contribute to Wellbeing Web Magazine. My article appeared on 3 May 2015.

I’m very pleased that it has produced an amazing response on FB. I am indebted to Janet Holt and Helen Parker for inviting me to contribute to it. Because of the numbers of people who liked and shared it, I am able to offer three copies of my book, Trapped. The winners have been notified.

Waterhouse 'Gather Ye Rosebuds' 1909
Waterhouse ‘Gather Ye Rosebuds’ 1909

I sincerely hope that Wellbeing Web Magazine goes from strength to strength. I shall be following its progress and reading its articles with interest. As regular readers of what I write will know, wellbeing is a subject very close to my heart.

Thank you for reading!

https://www.facebook.com/wellbeingwebmagazine/photos/a.835039936546486.1073741830.824308610952952/965386326845179/?type=1&fref=nf

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May 18, 2015

Ten Things You Never Knew about Cerebral Palsy

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Ten Things You Never Knew about Cerebral Palsy (or Were Too Embarrassed to Ask)

When I started writing this article, I was thinking, ‘What do I know about CP? I’m just a woman who tries to ignore that side of things and get on with life.’ I always have been, and I maintain that a gentle, light ignorance of ones weaknesses is probably as good a way as any to get the best from life, which often feels fickle, even in our happiest moments. But the more I wrote, the more I found myself remembering details and ideas. I found lots to write about.

Being disabled has made me rather more introverted than is perhaps best, so actually raising my head and noticing that others are often interested and keen to learn more about CP and about disability in general, is a great way to widen my perspective. And I am so pleased if I can add humour to a subject that many people shy away from, feeling unsure and awkward. Life is variable and not really awkward, but because we are wary of being explicit, misunderstandings crop up all over the place. I try to write these out, so that I can more easily learn to accept my failings, without falling into the trap of hating myself.

One of the annoying things about CP is that it is as variable as we are. One of the wonderful things about CP is that it is as variable as we are….. which can make it difficult to explain.

Miranda - by John William Waterhouse
Miranda – by John William Waterhouse

 

For giving me the opportunity to explain, I am indebted to Lucy Walton-Lange, Editor at FemaleFirst who has published my blog post ‘Ten Things You Never Knew about Cerebral Palsy (or Were Too Embarrassed To Ask)’  on 13th May. Thank you, Lucy!

If you have any questions or comments, please do add them at FemaleFirst, or contact me.

Thanks for reading

 

 

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May 12, 2015

Writing the radio play of the book

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I’ve written the book, so I thought that writing the radio play of the book would be straightforward. In a typical response that would make Eddie laugh, I discover that it is, and it isn’t. It is about events and scenarios that have been thoroughly rehearsed; and it isn’t like anything I’ve done before.

Adolf Holzel - Der Liebesbrief
Adolf Holzel – Der Liebesbrief

My attempts at research suggest that conventions around How to Write a Radio Play of a Book are flexible, and as variable as the people who write them. Though clear presentation is obviously important, to help those who will be called upon to breathe life into words at the mike, it is the less obvious aspects of dramatic reconstruction that are more difficult, especially as I rarely venture into writing plays: editing three scenes into one to add impact; being flexible with timelines so that the story unfolds interestingly; adding dialogue that you remember, which is necessary for continuity in an aural medium but which you would not need to include in a book, where pictures are built differently; and pace, which dictates that although dialogue is obviously key, it should be illuminating and to the point….

It is tiring, this venture, but I seem to be collecting my own set of conventions, all of which help to make the process smoother and more enjoyable. I am remembering, reflecting and learning all the time, and in the process I hope my writing improves. Only time will tell.

Thanks for reading

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May 5, 2015

What Writing Means to Me

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Recently, I have been reflecting on what writing means to me, and whether my time is well spent. I mean, seriously, what is it all about? Why have I put myself through five of the most difficult, emotionally draining and – let’s face it – financially unrewarding years of my life? If I was an outsider, considering pros and cons, on the surface, I would conclude that Fran Macilvey is peculiarly driven: driven to work all-nighters while her family sleeps; driven to continue with the next project, the next hope, despite setbacks, illness and puzzlement from those more sober and grounded citizens of my acquaintance who really would prefer that I would apply my energies to a proper, reasonable, sensible and obvious job. Why, for goodness’ sake, must I always be different?

Because I am, is all. I make that sound nonchalant, easy to say. But if my life has taught me anything, it is the total futility of trying to keep up with other ‘ordinary’ people who have ‘ordinary’ jobs. I’ve tried that – really, I have – and it has only led to heartbreak and loss of a different kind.

In the old days, the pain was about not belonging, never fitting in, and never really understanding what was going on; I had that sinking feeling which made it plain that I never would understand, no matter how hard I might try. Nowadays, though there have been a few disappointments and false starts, I am more certain that I understand the basics and will continue to make progress. On my present path, every difficulty lends itself to a purpose, for a reason. It is easier to notice the ways in which unexpected outcomes serve a longer-term goal.

And above all, I write so that I may share my experiences with others. I can write, and so I should. I can explain, and so I do, in the hope that those who may read my pieces know that I understand something of their loneliness, their anger, even their desolation. It is not unusual to have these feelings, it is not peculiar or suspicious. They are just part of life.

Gradually, writing had revealed that our ‘bad’ experiences often complement the ‘good’, making our lives a tapestry which, when we look back at it, hopefully fills us with gratitude and optimism. That is how I see myself making the best of life’s knots, at any rate.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

 

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April 29, 2015

Taking a chance on Life

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I’ve had occasion to ponder what would have happened, if I had never decided to write Trapped. If I had never made the effort, gone the extra mile and stayed up countless nights crafting, editing and refining what I wanted to say, what difference would it have made? My muse is always whispering Go on, life is for taking a chance on Life.  But I could easily – oh, so easily! – just have told that beguiling, soft, gentle, persistent voice to shut up and leave me alone, and what would have happened then?

Nothing.

No-one would have suspected that my sitting quietly and being good was growing more despairing by the minute. My immediate family would probably have borne the brunt of my frustration, and lost the chance to see a kinder, gentler person in that woman seated by the window. But, I would have felt my loss, and I would have said nothing about it and taken no action.

After all, as the world of realism will tell you, there are so many reasons why writing is not practical: it is anti-social; I also tend to work late at night when I should be sleeping; when I write, my body cramps up and I skimp on exercise; I use my life as writing fodder and there may come a time when my friends are loath to speak to me, in case their latest stories end up in my books; I cannot, if I am writing, and parenting etc, also go out and get a paying job.

But there are more subtle, urgent reasons which make writing essential. These include progress, learning what matters, awareness and empathy, connection with others, (some of whom may be feeling lost, alone and adrift in a world where expectations are complex and conflicting); the importance of personal power and responsibility: to understand oneself better and to learn what we are capable of. To feel joy that has its foundation in the decisions we take. To look back and say, ‘See what you can do, with just a pinch of courage!’ Writing and all that goes with it, has taught me about what matters, and has gifted me the confidence – at last! – to go looking for adventure in a spirit of optimism and determination.

Alfred Stevens - The Letter
Alfred Stevens – The Letter

I say that is a lot to gain.

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