Walking outside
It was a comment of my daughter’s while I was in town with her and my husband – “Why do we walk (outside) as if we don’t know each other?” – that set up a long fuse, a question that wanted an answer.
Good question.
I used to think of my walking stance as broad and roughly triangular, taking up a lot of room on pavements and walkways. These days, with two walking aids, I am even broader in my stance, though I do manage to be a bit faster and more confident. However, because of the extra space I take up on the pavement, it is a brave person who can stay abreast of me and ignore the hurried accelerations of others as they overtake.
Most pavements are rather narrow; and those pavements that are broader, also tend to carry a lot of street furniture. So my husband has evolved a habit of either forging ahead of me, or walking behind me in single-file mode. And that has always been that.
But why? Because, he says, he doesn’t wish to impede others. He doesn’t want to get in the way. This is the expected politeness that of course makes plenty of sense and which my daughter would probably agree with, if asked.
I do rather rebel at the assumption that I, or we, will be in the way, even if it is sometimes true. Unless I rather forcefully insist that I like his company and would welcome conversation, outdoors, I will otherwise be doomed to spend the rest of my life walking with Eddie in single file, to spare his blushes and for the convenience of others.
In single-file mode, I feel either self-conscious – if he walks behind – or rather as if I am being pulled along on a lead, if he walks ahead. I just want to walk beside him, and I think that joy is worth the possible inconvenience to others, who will simply pass by and continue their conversations anyhow.
So I now ask my husband to walk alongside me, and perhaps he may stop worrying what other people think, and oblige me. Not because I am selfish, but because I do wish to inhabit my life fully. Now I do believe that a little inconvenience to others is worth the pleasure I gain from being able to converse out of doors at my leisure. And since I rarely do walk outdoors with my husband, it seems a small privilege to claim.
Thanks for reading.
Please share:
April 25, 2023 @ 3:49 pm
Oh goodness, yes. That struggle with ourselves: should we inconvenience others so we can enjoy the company of our loved ones. I have the same problem despite the lack of walking aids. We have the added problem of cyclists on many of the paths here. Walkers share them with bicycles, so we are constantly having to duck out of their way as well. Walking single file seems to be the only solution, but you’re right. Why are others more deserving of consideration than you are of companionship?
April 25, 2023 @ 5:52 pm
Dearest Val,
Thank you so much for visiting, reading, and for all your comments. I do support anyone who manages without a car – they lower all our carbon footprints, after all, and I do use a car quite often. But I do cavil slightly at the expectation that I ‘have to’ stay out of their way. I just want to make walking as much of a pleasure as I can, which, since it is hard work, seems a good enough ambition.
I’m enjoying persuading my husband that yes, I do want his company, and yes, it’s okay to take up space. :-))) I seem to see the world differently every day. That, I am persuaded, is one of the joys of having more time to do as I please. Bless you ♥ and I hope you are having a good week. Xxx
May 6, 2023 @ 10:18 pm
Dear Fran,
Kudos to you for claiming what you want and need! Your description reminds me of an entire family we used to see when out walking in the neighborhood. The grandpa/head of the clan was in a wheelchair. Around him (especially on weekends) were some grandchildren, and their parents. No one ever complained about stepping aside on the sidewalk so they could move along together.
I can also empathize with not wanting to be in the way–while also not wanting to walk ahead of or behind other family members. However, life is short; and you’re absolutely correct: It isn’t about ‘manners. It’s about what you want and need from people you love.
Well….things are up and down around here. I wonder how much longer we can all hold on? Which makes each day even more important–including what your walking parade looks like today! 🙂
Elouise
May 9, 2023 @ 11:49 am
Thank you so much, Elouise, for reading and commenting. You are so thoughtful and I am very heartened that you agree. 😀 Obedience is one thing, but should never be the default. And striding out the best we can, why should we step back into something lesser? There’s plenty of room, even if some of the pavements are kinda narrow.
Everything looks better in the Spring, with the cherry and apple blossom in full bloom. It’s totally delightful to see!
Bless you! Xxx
July 18, 2023 @ 10:46 pm
Dear Fran, I don’t know why I don’t get notifications when you post. Everytime I get a comment from you I am so delighted but I go on to whoever is next and then I don’t come back. It’s like walking outside. But I woke up at 4.30 this morning and I was feeling terribly guilty so I got up, turned on the heater, turned on the kettle, made coffee and turned on the ‘puter and knocked on your door. It’s been a while and I have missed talking to you. I read your comments but I haven’t – as I said – read your posts.
My mother spent the last fifty or sixty years of her life with walking aids or in a wheelchair and needed assistance from my father all the time. So he would always, always arrive at a meeting or church ten minutes early so he could pull up the car as close as possible and get Mum out of the car and into church so that he wouldn’t inconvenience anybody else. In the end it meant that he died twenty years before she did. He stressed too much.
So, Fran, take my advice and take up all the space you need and tell him to stop being so bloody polite.
Lots of love
John
July 19, 2023 @ 9:39 am
That’s us told!! Thank you so much, John.
I do appreciate every one of your comments and all your posts, and I try to read them all. Those I don’t get round to, I sometimes save in a correspondence folder for later. I hear you so much in your writing, that you have no need to feel guilty, ever. Please do not, but just accept that a message from you is wonderful and I am happy… I can pop in to your blog any time.
I hope all’s good with you today – I sometimes manage five thirty; but half past four?! I hope that was a short break in an otherwise good night’s rest. :-))) Bless you.
Lots of love, Fran