I never find it especially easy playing by the rules. In any case, I have always assumed life is meant to be fun.
I turned up at the pool very early on Saturday, found the main door open, so went in and changed. I forgot my purse, but then, I am on a membership, so no cash would be changing hands, and I figured I would clear it with them afterwards. I’ve done that before. There was no-one at the desk. I went in anyway, surprised it was so quiet, and then, as I was starting a second length, a guy came and told me I should not be in the pool.
The supervisor then kneeled to tell me he was really upset and angry, and confessed he could lose his job over it. He could not hear my side of the story, but had to leave, to get over his upset. All of which …… really devastated me. I still don’t know what to think. Is it likely, that a small thing like being in the pool ten minutes early could lose another person his job? Or was my tearful, fearful reaction merely a symptom of my disconnect from normal life: the usual back and forth of frightened employees, banter, words spoken in rixa that other people would simply shrug off? Perhaps working alone, I am less able than I used to be to take such statements as they come and bat them away. They sink in….
The door wasn’t closed, the desk was not barred, the pool was not switched off….none of the usual STOP signals were in place to jog my realization that actually, I was not supposed to be there until eight thirty.
We are all becoming tired of negotiating rules, regulations and restrictions that are enforced, but not all the time; some people are stricter, and more deeply upset, by perceived contraventions, but, though I may be careless, I am not malicious. Other people leap and splash over my head, wondering, what is her problem….? I just wish I could get warm, be somewhere easy to be….to be peaceful. I am sorry for the harm I cause, though perhaps that kind of comment reawakens feelings in me that go much deeper, back to a time when I felt useless, in the way, and frankly, unwanted. No wonder I was upset, then.
I am surprised. I thought I had grown through all that. But clearly, place me in a swimming costume, in a pool, and have someone say something sharp, and I go back to being small, vulnerable, and unhappy. Surprising, that.
Thank you – so much! – for reading.
Please share:
GIllian Frost
August 10, 2015 @ 12:30 pm
Maybe it’s not so unusual to retreat back into those old feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness – call them what you will. If they’ve been part of our subconscious for so long, then despite overcoming later in life, they will always be there – just buried beneath the surface; waiting for that moment when someone – your poolside man in this case – comes along and dredges them to the surface once more
Fran Macilvey
August 10, 2015 @ 12:37 pm
Yes! But so unexpected. At least, I think I now know what it’s all about, which is progress from Saturday. Thanks for commenting, Gillian. I really appreciate your input. xxx 🙂
Diane M Dickson
August 10, 2015 @ 1:16 pm
You are not on your own Fran I hate it when people become upset with me, for whatever reason. I think some of it comes from being a “pleaser”. I hope you are feeling better now because after all you didn’t deliberately flaunt the rules you made a mistake. I expect it is all to do with health and safety and that sort of thing. No matter who we are I think we carry rubbish with us along the road. Be happy.xxxx
Fran Macilvey
August 10, 2015 @ 1:23 pm
Thanks, Diane, I will. Yes, everyone has their own baggage, don’t they? We is all fragile, and beautiful.
Bless you! xxx
Polly Johnson
August 10, 2015 @ 1:43 pm
It’s often about them; not you. There is so much ‘health and safety’ now that you can’t sit down without someone losing their job because they didn’t check there were no splinters first. You did nothing wrong. If you weren’t meant to be there, the door should have been closed, a notice up. You were fine. He was afraid and took it out on you.
Fran Macilvey
August 10, 2015 @ 1:56 pm
Yeah, poor bloke! I like him too, which makes it worse. I’ve started swimming elsewhere. xxx 🙂
Clare Flourish
August 10, 2015 @ 5:18 pm
If you had been swimming and there was no-one on the poolside, in case you got into trouble, he could lose his job if he was responsible for the doors being open. Pools are dangerous places. That is why they have pool attendants. (I was one- I could never get anyone to call me a “life-guard”.
Though at camp sites in France I have swum in unheated pools, alone, with far greater chance of cramp and getting into problems.
Fran Macilvey
August 10, 2015 @ 10:16 pm
Oooh, Clare, you a life guard? Which pool! 😉 My enthusiasm to get on and do always lands me into trouble. I now know all the ‘signposts’ though – empty pool, no-one around – so shall not make that mistake again. xxx 🙂
Elouise
August 10, 2015 @ 5:32 pm
What a nasty experience! I can empathize completely–though I’m not you. When I focus on what happened (all parties) I agree with Polly. The supervisor was scared for his job, and the pool should never never have been left with no instructions and an open door. Not your responsibility. And ten minutes or so early is not a big deal.
When I think about your personal response, my heart goes out to you and every other adult child who has triggers that get hooked. I don’t dismiss mine. My body won’t let me, for one thing! Or my mind and heart. I find them extremely disruptive and also invitational. An opportunity to get to know myself even better. What does this remind me of? Exactly how do I feel right now? How old? Whose voice is it–the supervisor’s or someone else from my past? What do I need to do to take care of myself? It may sound like overkill, but it’s the best way I’ve ever known to get through these unexpected shocks to the system. And back to whatever ‘normal’ is–hopefully a bit more compassionate toward myself and others. Especially toward myself.
It made me smile to see you’re swimming somewhere else now! Yeah. I get that, too! 🙂
Thanks for this great post, Fran!
Elouise
Fran Macilvey
August 10, 2015 @ 10:21 pm
Thanks so much, Elouise! If only I had a wise buddy sitting on my shoulder, who might say, ‘Actually, hold on a moment, while I check this out….’ it would save a lot of bother.
Fran ((XXX))
Rebecca Hislop
August 10, 2015 @ 6:50 pm
It was very odd that the doors were open and the desk unattended. It seems to me that the place is understaffed and the attendant took his frustrations out on you. I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. What a rude young man!
Fran Macilvey
August 10, 2015 @ 10:25 pm
Dear Rebecca
In retrospect, I have taken too much for granted, and have often assumed that either (a) the rules don’t apply to me (we all think that, sometimes, and often, in my case the rules haven’t, but still, I am not exempt from them) or (b) that no one will mind if little ol’ me bends them a bit. That too, is false, so I must accept that I was hasty, rash and took too much for granted.
I was also desperate for a swim, it being about two weeks since I had properly exercised.
So, what was left was my weird over-reaction, which is interesting.
Bless you, and thanks so much for commenting.
Fran XXX 😀