October 2017

Memoir nuts and bolts

So we have decided we have the time, and we are going to do this. Pen in hand, we sit at our PCs and we start writing.

People ask me, “How do you start writing memoir? I mean, how do you actually do it?” And the answer is, one word at a time. Yes, it sounds simple, but everything we do, all our endeavours, can be broken down into small steps, in which case, writing memoir begins with the decision to write, followed by that tap-tap at the PC which means we are busy.

I started writing memoir because I was forced to, in a way. It seemed to be the right time, and something was nudging me, saying, ‘I know you have hundreds of excuses but this is the right time, and no, there is nothing better you can be doing…’ Which got me thinking.

About what to write, of course, but also about the other reasons that might make me write: reasons to do with self expression, with the curative effects of being honest about stuff, perhaps for the first time in forty years…

Coming out from the emotional equivalent of a concrete shell after thirty-five years of being self effacing, is in fact so challenging, that it is only possible to write a little at a time. One chapter, one page, a sketch of one circumstance. But it is so valuable, that start. It is the beginning of a new way to self define, as a writer, as a person who is hopeful and courageous.

So take up the pen, switch on the PC and start anywhere. With one word, one line, one full stop. Once we take off the lid and allow ourselves permission, the next word will arrive, and the one after that.

Okay, so now is not the time to discourage any writer by saying, ‘It takes about a million words before we find our voices’ but really, life is about progress in small steps.

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Ready to begin writing

So, if we are ready to begin writing. Whether memoir or fiction, sweet stuff or friction, we will need:-

~Computer at the ready.

~Phones off the hook or switched off.

If we work from home, the first thing to realise is that not only are our own personal temptations to stop writing legion, but everyone else we come into contact with on a daily basis will assume, because we answer the phone or the doorbell, that we are available. To them, a body at home = a free hand to help with a dozen interruptions.

~Time blocked out in the diary in which to prioritise this writing undertaking. How will we parcel out our time?

Helpfully, our work habits evolve naturally, and will vary depending on our other commitments and the time we have available to be alone.

There have been times when I can confidently block out whole days in my diary to work. Problem then, is, I tend to be so tired I drift, fritter away the opportunity or fall asleep. Though if there is a deadline looming, I am very happy to work all day.

Nowadays, I rather like the patchwork approach. I do a lot of things in a day – go swimming, help with deliveries, tidy our apartment, do the recycling – but I keep my eye on the main focus, which is writing, and fit that in around what I am doing. Then, even if it is only half an hour here and there, I will refuse to answer the phone and simply work doggedly.

This has the advantage that I can stay reasonably fit as I work alongside the other parts of my life – a vital consideration in an occupation that consists in sitting around– and motivated by the natural variety of each day.

Happy writing!

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Are we ready to write

Let us assume that we have examined all our most pressing excuses for not writing and are finally prepared to face them down, ignore them, and get on.

We are prepared to hear, ‘Oh, I don’t see why you are wasting your time. Millions of books are published every year. What makes you think yours will have any chance?’ and blithely we can dismiss this and other discouragement because we are happy to undertake the pilgrimage. We have decided it is what we want to do, so that is that. Well done.

There is one more species of question to ask which only we can answer. Are we ready to write the story of our life? Is it interesting enough, thus far, to keep us busy and thinking and occupied for the next five years? Will it engage an average reader? Simply put, have we lived enough, done enough, do we have enough years under our belts or not?

This is not a trivial question. John Mortimer, whom I truly admire, lived a very long life, and wrote three main volumes of autobiography, because, I assume, stuff kept happening to him. Only problem now is, that if we hope to read all about him, it is best to read these volumes in sequence, though I suppose it is fine to read about his admission to the bar in one volume, and the problems encountered in being very old, in the next volume we retrieve, being read, haphazardly out of sequence.

And no-one wants to embark on a life-changing project feeling unsure about whether our work will be worth reading. If that kind of uncertainty is nipping our heels, the best thing to do is put aside the ambition – for now – and go and do some more interesting things. After a while, we can revisit our ambition and see how we feel about it. I have done that. The idea of writing has been with me for about thirty years. And I was lucky to spot a natural pause in my life that I could put to good use in starting to take writing seriously.

If the answer to questions such as these is, “Yes, I’ve certainly had an interesting life, and I laugh in the face of your skepticism!” then we are ready to write.

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How to write our memoirs

I may want to write my memoirs, but for some reason – maybe our curtains need washed, or maybe I need to have coffee with my friends – I constantly put it off. Which is interesting in itself, and worthy of a whole book alone. Why do we forever put off doing those things we really want to?

I’m forever making excuses not to write: I’m far too busy, I have to collect the kids in ten minutes, what do I know..? though I have found that as I get older, those excuses and many others like them – how dare they! – have abandoned me.

The kids grow up and make their own way, the busy jobs lose their appeal or are done by others – the jobs look after themselves, perhaps – so assuming I have finally run out of excuses, I am left with only question to stop me getting started, What do I know, anyway?

Simple! You know the most anyone will ever know, about your own life. That qualifies you, above all others, to write about it. The next question or stumbling block is, I don’t like to presume….but, if you will pardon me for saying so, that is rather putting the cart before the horse.

When we start writing memoir, we do this primarily for ourselves. Note, we are not writing for anyone else. We are writing for ourselves alone. So, of course, we can presume to do that, since we are not imposing our views or our undertaking on anyone else – unless we are also assuming that the time we take away from our normal day to write, is presumptuous in itself, and we are keeping our fingers and toes crossed that no-one will object. But that is like saying that we should not paint, or dance or sing, in case the neighbours, our friends our family take umbrage. (We often do think this kind of thing, believing that what our neighbours, friends, etc think about what we are doing, is more important than our doing it; which is rather nonsense, and a little sad.)

However, if we can’t get beyond these kinds of objections – if they keep their grip on us and stop us getting started – perhaps the best conclusion to draw is that we are ten or twenty years too early to get started: As we get older, believe me, other people’s opinions matter, of course, but we get impatient. Eyes on the clock, one day it dawns on us that if we don’t do this now – immediately make a start right now – we may never do it.

So, in considering how to write memoir, it might be an idea to take a quick gander through all the automatic excuses we come up with, and test their strength against that of our resolve. Because we are going to need all the resolve we can muster, to undertake the writing of memoir.

To be continued. Thanks for reading.

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