Making Miracles

March 7, 2020

Cancellation of the London Book Fair 2020

'Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy', Fran's School of Hard Knocks, Happiness Matters, Making Miracles, Path To Publication, The Rights & Wrongs of Writing 2 Comments

Cancellation of the London Book Fair 2020

On Wednesday, I thought I would check the website again. So I looked, and only ten minutes earlier, the cancellation of the London Book Fair 2020 had been announced.

In what would have been its fiftieth anniversary, the news was all over Twitter and Facebook, yet I found myself compulsively checking and re-checking, making sure there wasn’t a mistaken double-negative tucked somewhere in the public statements.

So I’m not going to London next week. Not such a big deal, you might think, apart from a meeting I have been very much looking forward to, the non-refundable train fares and costs of accommodation near the venue. No problem.

Except… The Fair is the one place I may hope to meet like minded folk, since, for the rest of the year, I spend too many hours with my nose up against my computer screen and communicating in the virtual world of avatars and emojis. This annual meeting of minds also throws in my direction the hope that I may meet interesting folk with a lot to say, and who have the same obsession with writing that I have, albeit with a different flavour and emphasis.

I feel at home in the London event even if, as usually happens, I come home with lots of postcards, fliers and ideas, few of which get further than my jotter or notes. But the hope inherent in such a gathering is motivation enough for me. Because the hope is what keeps me going.

Without that jolt of hope and enthusiasm to the system, the rest of my writing year now looks very different. And now, where will I find that jolt? Well, from me, obviously. I can hardly expect anyone else to supply it. So that’s where I’m at: despite the gloomy global forecasts, I have to start applying to myself and my own life, all the lessons that I wrote about in my three books to date: I know the theories, and now is the time to bring them out of retirement – that is, the satisfied glow of publication – dust them down and use them every day to take me forward, peacefully, happily, and in the certain knowledge that the biggest miracles I may bring into being, start with me.

Thanks for listening.

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November 11, 2019

When I Let Go

'Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy', cerebral palsy, Fran's School of Hard Knocks, Happiness Matters, Making Miracles 8 Comments

When I let go

When I let go of all the needs, wants, plans and expectations, one thing remains still to be acknowledged and resolved. In all this “working for myself” gig, there has been – there is – one obsession that pushes at me, and that at the same time almost guarantees that I shall either feel unhappy or as if I have failed.

It is the feeling – the belief – that there is something that I should or could be doing that I am not doing. Some path that I have not walked, some obvious answer I have not found, some way forward that I have overlooked. Only glimpsed until now, this is the belief that makes me anxious or fretful: that I have been given a job to do in which I am failing.

I can notice where this fear comes from – perfectionism, the fear of not being good enough, and also of trying to keep up with others. To give an example, “they” might go to a book fair for three days of networking and mutual back slapping as they meet, walk and talk up and down the escalators. I assume I want to do that too, not for the anxious busyness or the caffeine drive, but for the sense of belonging. That old feeling of yearning transmutes into a feeling that, if I really wanted something enough, I could work for it. So, if I don’t get what I dream for, that’s because I’m slow, lazy, not good enough…

And then I remember that Life – which has brought me this far and which continues to care for me – will, in its way, bring me naturally to what comes next. I can – ok, I must – stop running to catch up. I can invite what comes next by being first peaceful, and then by choosing a path – any path – and walking it.

Finally, I remember that it matters little which path I choose. Like the plastic duck that never drowns and that travels thousands of miles without trying, life still has a way of righting itself, as long as I can stay optimistic and happy.

Thanks for listening.

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May 22, 2019

Reactions to my books

'Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy', cerebral palsy, Happiness Matters, Making Miracles, Memoir, The Rights & Wrongs of Writing 4 Comments

Reactions to my books have been and continue to be overwhelmingly supportive. I am very touched that my story has reached so many readers, some of whom have contacted me with messages of love and support and to share their own stories.

I’m glad if my experiences can help to inform and console: in navigating our way through life, I find there are few more toxic experiences than being lonely.

Many whom I would count as good friends express surprise, saying, I had no idea. They are astonished that so much can have happened of which they have been unaware, though of course, since I have been introverted, depressed and solitary for so many years, it is unsurprising to me that, until now, the best way I knew to maintain my dignity was with silence: I’m less ashamed of how things were then, and can talk about them. And my shame has a different quality – less, how embarrassing; more how could I tolerate that? which makes me want to advocate, not hide.

Which must be one reason why I started writing. I feared being swallowed up completely by my tendency to silence. So I gave up the unequal struggle to hold it all in, knowing, even as I wrote, that eventually, when I had smoothed it out a bit and found a way to come to terms, I would go public, despite an intense desire to chuck it all in and run away: my reactions to my books are still mixed.

I still think it matters to maintain peaceful dignity. But often that is a way of staying away from the helping arms that others willingly extend towards us. We do need to show our weaknesses, our frailty, and allow others to understand. I’m sorry that, for so long, I have been unable to share intimacies, or to trust that the reactions of friends and family would be supportive. I regret the missed opportunities to share more fully, because, at the very least, sharing would have helped me to notice that we all have stuff to deal with, we all struggle and suffer together in this melting pot called “Life”. Seeing that more clearly would have given me the courage to make more mistakes, be more outspoken, to take more risks so that I might move more freely and enjoy life more.

Thanks for listening.

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December 30, 2018

A meditation for the year end

Happiness Matters, Making Miracles 4 Comments

Here is a meditation that I have been mulling over for a while.

At the end of the year we release to life all that yearns to be released.

We light three candles.

The first candle is lit,

to resolve in what remains of the year, all that can be resolved.

The second candle is lit,

to take all the good of this year forward to make miracles in the next year.

The third candle is lit,

to unite and strengthen our purposes and promote peace, understanding and love.

Wishing you all a very happy New Year 2019.

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August 9, 2018

Making Miracles

Fran Macilvey, Fran's School of Hard Knocks, Making Miracles, Memoir 2 Comments

My third book, Making Miracles is now complete and published under my imprimatur, Heartwell Publishing. Thanks so much to everyone who has helped make my latest dream come true.

My third book, Making Miracles, brings to a conclusion my various attempts, over the course of fifteen years, to encapsulate in three books – which follow in a loose series – what I have learned in the course of my varied life: how I have moved from profound unhappiness into contentment and have, hopefully, become a more deliberate creator of my own happiness.

Many people can and have managed to find meaning, purpose and happiness throughout their lives  without needing to write about it; but I guess that writing has been my means to obtain peace, to learn to live with my frailties and come to terms with them. Writing is one way I have found answers and become a happier, kinder person, more at peace with myself. And perhaps, through what I have written, I can encourage others to think the best of themselves.

Making Miracles is the outcome of a dream diary that I kept over the course of fifteen years. Throughout that time, and as an ongoing process, I have been sent many reassurances and messages which make it increasingly clear to me that guidance – call it what you like; as long as it works, I have no particular attachment to names or concepts – is available all the time, and that we can each make use of our own guidance. Keeping notes or a diary has no particular significance, but makes it easier to remember things and learn from repeating experiences.

Thanks for reading.

 

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June 14, 2018

Publishing my third book

Fran Macilvey, Making Miracles, Path To Publication, The Rights & Wrongs of Writing 4 Comments

Publishing my third book

I am what is known in the trade, apparently, as a hybrid author. That is to say, I have a book published with a mainstream publisher, and I am also published independently. (It’s interesting what you learn when talking to other publishers at book fairs.)

My third book, Making Miracles is set for publication this month, June 2018. I am so looking forward to having it finished; and excited that a project that has taken about a decade to materialise is finally happening: I finally decided that I might as well get on with it, and publish this summer. Being an independent publisher means we have to get used to setting our own deadlines.

Previously, I have written a series of blog posts, called rather optimistically, How to get published,which focussed almost entirely on the rigours of finding a publishing deal with a mainstream publisher. At that time (2016) I wrote very little about publishing independently, because I still had too much to learn to offer anything worthwhile in the way of suggestions or opinions. Though I have since learned a great deal from publishing independently and am – retrospectively – grateful for the steep learning curves and cul-de-sacs, there is never an end to what we can learn about indie publishing. Grasping the basics has been immensely worthwhile.

In the next series of blog posts, I will be considering some of what I have learned about publishing independently: it’s advantages, pitfalls, and some of the more intricate necessities that are apt to be overlooked in the rush to get published.

Thank you so much for reading.

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