I guest on ‘Disability Now’s September Podcast
Ian Macrae, commissioning editor of ‘Disability Now’ invited me to take part in ‘DN’s September podcast, so last Tuesday I headed off to London on the early train. Hubby – bless him! – insisted I travel first class, though the delicious and generously supplied drinks and food did nothing to ward off the chill of a seat near the rear carriage entrance. After days of sunshine, it was unusually overcast, and I was grateful for my woollen jacket.
The time passed quickly, though, and we soon got into Kings Cross, where I had a delicious lunch at one of the food stops. In the cavernous station, after stopping to admire the tourist crowd around Platform 9 3/4, I bought far too much food, and had to leave a lot of it, as I did not want to be falling asleep in front of the microphone during the afternoon recording. A short trip in a taxi took me to the RNIB recording studio in Camden, where we all met up: Ian Macrae, Commissioning Editor of ‘Disability Now’ who invited me along for the day; Zara Todd, Richard Butchins and Paul Carter. We had a lovely get-together, and the whole time passed so quickly. As we shared our experiences, once again I am reminded of how much we all have in common.
Getting in to Edinburgh late the same evening, the train station was so quiet after the friendly bustle of London.
Sincere thanks to Ian, to Zara, Richard and Paul, for such a wonderful time. I hope we meet again.
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September 24, 2015
Finding a Way Through
Fran Macilvey Fran's School of Hard Knocks 11 Comments
Finding a way through.
I’m finding life challenging at the moment. Wondering how to manage, it seems to me that the tried and tested methods are the best, and I’ve written about these a lot. I use my writing to help inform my beliefs about Life, the Universe, and what to do when surprises crop up.
I’ve had a few surprises lately: News about my father that makes me grieve; a new old friend in the mix, bringing back memories from decades ago; unexpected delays over a whole host of small and not so important details. Through these concerns, the threads of life weave continuously. Meals need to be prepared, food bought and laundry dried….thank God for the small anchors of domesticity. They drive me bonkers, at times, but they also give me something to do when my brain goes off the deep end, into memories filled with dark eddies and painful compromises.
I wish I had had more courage, and talked more honestly of what mattered to me. If I had cultivated honesty instead of silence, I might be better at dealing truthfully with what matters to me now. My father, whom I love so much and without being able to express it well, is going to be passing on soon. My husband deserves to hear more about what is troubling me, but suitable words seem to be on sabbatical.
My first tool for coping is to surrender. A quote in my IN box lately came via Ingrid Bergmann, who said, ‘Happiness is good health and a bad memory’ and I am relieved to hear it. I enjoy the reminder that the past may be real, but is not as real as the shadows beneath the trees I can see over the road. And in the midst of life’s unexpected challenges, it is anyway easier not to think about our preoccupations. Somehow, that makes them bigger and more looming. As they get bigger, they cast a wider shadow over the rest of life.
The next tool is notice how far I have come. Not to dismiss the compromises and the dignified silence, but to see these as the best I could manage, at the time.
And finally, keep eating. Oatcakes at three am, with a cup of barley coffee, are remarkably sustaining, and remind me that small acts of love are just as important as big ones.
Thanks for reading. I may not post blogs for a while, and hope you will bear with me. Please do keep in touch.
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