The Rights & Wrongs of Writing

December 13, 2017

What not to write

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What not to write

When we embark on writing our memoirs, we do not need to interview members of your family – not formally, at any rate. No-one will be very pleased to think that you are writing your memoirs and listening to their stories for that. (They would probably prefer you were writing their memoirs for them.)

If you are ready and willing to write, but you are unsure about what is allowed or not allowed, perhaps these further tips about what not to write will help bring extra clarity.

Just because you are writing your memoir, doesn’t mean you have to tell the full story of every significant other in your life. You can’t, so just select the parts of those lives which intersect with your own, and which lend colour, interest and meaning.

Try to keep the details you borrow from other people non-contentious. You do not need to tell the story of your cousin’s murder, unless it directly impacted your life. You may have had a life-long bond and ended up truly traumatised by her death, but if not, please resist the urge to borrow colour from the lives of other people. They will not be amused.

If something needs explaining, perhaps you have not laid the ground firmly enough. Go back and rewrite your material at least a dozen times, to check and prove it for consistency and clarity.

Remember that readers do not have your context, so avoid clichés, private language, and be prepared to explain or elucidate with a few well-chosen words or phrases. Remember that your readers only know what you have told them from your book. Internal consistency is helpful.

It is normal to write 120,000 words and get rid of half of them. If in doubt about anything, delete and reconsider or re-write. You will not regret caution, but you will regret not being cautious enough. That said, a cautious approach does not mean cautious writing. Keep it flying!

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December 11, 2017

Caveats when writing memoir

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Caveats when writing memoir

Memoir means, memory, so, with that in mind, there are a few caveats to mention when writing memoir.

Sitting as it does on the bridge between pure fiction – novels – and fact, narrative non-fiction (as it is known in the trade) – memoir – has to tread a very careful line between what we reveal of our own lives, and what we borrow from other lives.

Bearing that in mind, tread carefully.

  • Stick to your own path, and do not trespass on the paths of others, except where the details you borrow are unexceptionable – no one will care whether the dress that Aunt Jane was wearing at your fifth birthday party was pink or blue. That said, if you are writing about your fifth birthday party, there is always the possibility that you actually remember the dress in question.

 

  • Continuity fictions should also be unexceptionable. In blending what you remember with what is likely to have happened but is in point of fact imagined, stick to benevolent details such as the time of day, school timetables, ordinary conversations and everyday situations. Your parents may have got divorced when you were twelve, and it may have cast a catastrophic blight over your adolescence, but you can only write about how that made you feel or act, not about the reasons for your parents’ divorce. Readers will not necessarily understand this nice distinction.

 

  • On the other hand, you can write about the reasons for your parents’ divorce if you genuinely believe(d) that it was because of you, and have some interesting anecdotes to support that belief. You will be wrong – many children blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, and it is never the fault of the child, but the situation can offer interesting psychological slants.

 

  • You do not have to tell the truth, when you write your memoirs. Memory is frequently mistaken. But if you are going to get it wrong, try, again, to explain that error in the context of juvenile misunderstanding, perhaps; or gird it round with the honesty of your belief. I honestly thought that Jake the gardener was Mum’s boyfriend, I saw them kissing once; is excusable, even if wrong. Mum and Dad got divorced because Mum had an affair with the gardener is not excusable. Generally, misunderstandings crop up because we are too young to understand the bigger picture. That kind of naivety is excusable so long as it is obvious from the tone and tenor of our writing.

Thanks for reading!

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December 9, 2017

When all around you are saying No

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When all around you are saying No

It’s not so easy to write when there are other things to get done. When all around you are saying NO that truly tests whether we can persist with our writing.

Opposition is helpful. It empowers us to clarify what is important to us, and why. It helps us to articulate our reasons, and to defend our choices. So be grateful for the critics! But do not allow them to undermine your own authentic choices. (Not those decisions that are dictated by necessity and expectation, as much as those that colour our lives.)

It may not always be easy to know why, or indeed how, we should write. So, if you need encouragement, here are a few easy tips to help focus on the daily task of writing, and get some done each day.

When we are in the mood, we can write five words, and make them meaningful. Then we write the next ten. Then one paragraph, then a second, then to the end of the page. Just keep going to the end of the line, the next paragraph, and before we know it, we will have the equivalent of a short story, or the first chapter of a novel or memoir.

I started writing because these pictures were coming into my head that I could feel and taste. As I allowed that process space to unfold, gradually, scenes from my past opened up to me as I was writing, and brought with them a vast store of memories I had forgotten, in sequences that may not have been perfect, but were a good place to start. Perhaps that will happen to you, or perhaps you will find that the information comes to you as you write words on the page.

What matters most is the decision and the follow-through.

Thanks so much for reading!

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November 23, 2017

Tiptoeing through my words

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Tiptoeing through my words

I don’t know about you, but I find writing a story an exhilarating, but somehow unnerving, experience.

What if I tell the story all wrong? Miss the chance to commit something wonderful to the page and end up with an account that is merely satisfactory? In some ways, the blank page of the empty book is so reassuring, because, in it, anything is still possible, nothing is committed, fixed or final.

I’m not a commitment-phobe, I hasten to add, it’s simply that I worry I have the wrong story, when there are so many out there to locate and try to frame with words. One might feel a certain sympathy for youngsters starting out in the world, where their horizons are so broad they too, might be wary of taking the wrong paths, a detour – or a derailment? – that might alter one’s whole course.

And in some ways, that’s how I feel every time I start a new novel. My characters will of course help me to write what they want me to – they are usually quite clear about that – but there is still this sense of embarking on a new, smooth path, which, if I am careless, might end up all crinkled and awkward.

A good friend says I have a habit of deciding that it is better to do nothing, rather than the wrong thing; what she calls a ‘clever delay mechanism’ though I suspect she is being kind. If in doubt, I do nothing; which is something my mother used to say – “If in doubt, do nowt.” So that I have very often done nothing.

Perhaps that is a little bit defeatist, and perhaps a better way when I am unsure is to inch forward with small steps. Hopefully, that will get me used to the idea of constant momentum, even if by tiny degrees; a small step is better than a stand-still.

 

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October 30, 2017

Memoir writing for starters

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Memoir writing for starters

(The title of this blog post is tongue-in-cheek. We all have to begin somewhere.)

How we write memoir depends hugely on why we are writing. But assuming we have sorted through our motivations and decided to go ahead, there are a few more practical tips that might help to get our particular story written.

~Write someone else’s story first. You don’t need to write ‘the truth’ or anything like it. You don’t need a book length endeavour either: A couple of good anecdotes with which you truly empathise and which you can imagine in glowing detail, is enough to help us begin to see life from different perspectives and to describe it. One thing writing memoir taught me is that there is no such thing as the truth, and that, ‘the past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.’ Building empathy is crucial to balanced writing, and for that, even an imaginary story from someone else’s point of view is helpful.

~To begin with, it helps to set aside some time every day to get used to actually writing, and being available for that. If we have timetabled time, it follows that we respect it and come to treasure it as the opportunity we allow ourselves each day to go exploring. As we get more used to writing and build it into our daily routines, we can vary our patterns, and discover for ourselves what works.

~Listen out for any snippets of conversation. If you have a retentive mind for detail, politely ask for clarity on any anecdote that explains, or brightens the account.

~Do some on-line research for details, to get you in the mood to go exploring.

~Call yourself a writer, and feel the conviction grow that what we do here is worthwhile. We may not see any obvious dividends, but when we feel energised, excited, relieved… these are good signs that we are on the right lines.

~Write in silence, so that you can hear clearly what you want to write.

~Build a sympathetic writers network that can help you to respect, plan and focus on your writing.

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October 23, 2017

One step at a time

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One step at a time

One step at a time, one paragraph. One page, one chapter. That is how we write anything – novels, memoir – and there are no short cuts, really, in the process of producing reams of writing.

So the best thing I can recommend if you are in a hurry is to learn to type properly. It always astonishes me that in this age of technology, that people still type with one finger…Must drive them nuts! You cannot write anything well if you are typing one finger at a time.

I can only give some indication of knowing what to do, by sharing with you what I would do. So, I would, at this juncture in the creative process, ask for the words to come into my fingers, pay attention and write whatever comes, without thinking too much about syntax. That is what I do, when life works for me.

I don’t work all that well with pressure, with any sense that I have to work at this or else…! I hate the sense of threat that comes from setting a routine and then failing to meet self-imposed deadlines. So I write best when I know I’m going to enjoy it, or even, when I feel as if the words are flying through me, without conscious thought. It’s hardly deliberate, it’s more a case of an itch that has to be scratched. I can write direct onto computer, or longhand with a pen.

Each of us has different strengths that we bring to writing, and each of us has to have the courage and honesty to face up to our techniques and consciously devise a method that works. It doesn’t matter if other people call it ‘haphazard’ or ‘casual’ – if it works for you, believe in it.

And believe in your writing.

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October 18, 2017

Memoir nuts and bolts

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Memoir nuts and bolts

So we have decided we have the time, and we are going to do this. Pen in hand, we sit at our PCs and we start writing.

People ask me, “How do you start writing memoir? I mean, how do you actually do it?” And the answer is, one word at a time. Yes, it sounds simple, but everything we do, all our endeavours, can be broken down into small steps, in which case, writing memoir begins with the decision to write, followed by that tap-tap at the PC which means we are busy.

I started writing memoir because I was forced to, in a way. It seemed to be the right time, and something was nudging me, saying, ‘I know you have hundreds of excuses but this is the right time, and no, there is nothing better you can be doing…’ Which got me thinking.

About what to write, of course, but also about the other reasons that might make me write: reasons to do with self expression, with the curative effects of being honest about stuff, perhaps for the first time in forty years…

Coming out from the emotional equivalent of a concrete shell after thirty-five years of being self effacing, is in fact so challenging, that it is only possible to write a little at a time. One chapter, one page, a sketch of one circumstance. But it is so valuable, that start. It is the beginning of a new way to self define, as a writer, as a person who is hopeful and courageous.

So take up the pen, switch on the PC and start anywhere. With one word, one line, one full stop. Once we take off the lid and allow ourselves permission, the next word will arrive, and the one after that.

Okay, so now is not the time to discourage any writer by saying, ‘It takes about a million words before we find our voices’ but really, life is about progress in small steps.

 

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October 16, 2017

Ready to begin writing

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Ready to begin writing

So, if we are ready to begin writing. Whether memoir or fiction, sweet stuff or friction, we will need:-

~Computer at the ready.

~Phones off the hook or switched off.

If we work from home, the first thing to realise is that not only are our own personal temptations to stop writing legion, but everyone else we come into contact with on a daily basis will assume, because we answer the phone or the doorbell, that we are available. To them, a body at home = a free hand to help with a dozen interruptions.

~Time blocked out in the diary in which to prioritise this writing undertaking. How will we parcel out our time?

Helpfully, our work habits evolve naturally, and will vary depending on our other commitments and the time we have available to be alone.

There have been times when I can confidently block out whole days in my diary to work. Problem then, is, I tend to be so tired I drift, fritter away the opportunity or fall asleep. Though if there is a deadline looming, I am very happy to work all day.

Nowadays, I rather like the patchwork approach. I do a lot of things in a day – go swimming, help with deliveries, tidy our apartment, do the recycling – but I keep my eye on the main focus, which is writing, and fit that in around what I am doing. Then, even if it is only half an hour here and there, I will refuse to answer the phone and simply work doggedly.

This has the advantage that I can stay reasonably fit as I work alongside the other parts of my life – a vital consideration in an occupation that consists in sitting around– and motivated by the natural variety of each day.

Happy writing!

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October 9, 2017

Are we ready to write?

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Are we ready to write

Let us assume that we have examined all our most pressing excuses for not writing and are finally prepared to face them down, ignore them, and get on.

We are prepared to hear, ‘Oh, I don’t see why you are wasting your time. Millions of books are published every year. What makes you think yours will have any chance?’ and blithely we can dismiss this and other discouragement because we are happy to undertake the pilgrimage. We have decided it is what we want to do, so that is that. Well done.

There is one more species of question to ask which only we can answer. Are we ready to write the story of our life? Is it interesting enough, thus far, to keep us busy and thinking and occupied for the next five years? Will it engage an average reader? Simply put, have we lived enough, done enough, do we have enough years under our belts or not?

This is not a trivial question. John Mortimer, whom I truly admire, lived a very long life, and wrote three main volumes of autobiography, because, I assume, stuff kept happening to him. Only problem now is, that if we hope to read all about him, it is best to read these volumes in sequence, though I suppose it is fine to read about his admission to the bar in one volume, and the problems encountered in being very old, in the next volume we retrieve, being read, haphazardly out of sequence.

And no-one wants to embark on a life-changing project feeling unsure about whether our work will be worth reading. If that kind of uncertainty is nipping our heels, the best thing to do is put aside the ambition – for now – and go and do some more interesting things. After a while, we can revisit our ambition and see how we feel about it. I have done that. The idea of writing has been with me for about thirty years. And I was lucky to spot a natural pause in my life that I could put to good use in starting to take writing seriously.

If the answer to questions such as these is, “Yes, I’ve certainly had an interesting life, and I laugh in the face of your skepticism!” then we are ready to write.

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October 2, 2017

How to write our memoirs

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How to write our memoirs

I may want to write my memoirs, but for some reason – maybe our curtains need washed, or maybe I need to have coffee with my friends – I constantly put it off. Which is interesting in itself, and worthy of a whole book alone. Why do we forever put off doing those things we really want to?

I’m forever making excuses not to write: I’m far too busy, I have to collect the kids in ten minutes, what do I know..? though I have found that as I get older, those excuses and many others like them – how dare they! – have abandoned me.

The kids grow up and make their own way, the busy jobs lose their appeal or are done by others – the jobs look after themselves, perhaps – so assuming I have finally run out of excuses, I am left with only question to stop me getting started, What do I know, anyway?

Simple! You know the most anyone will ever know, about your own life. That qualifies you, above all others, to write about it. The next question or stumbling block is, I don’t like to presume….but, if you will pardon me for saying so, that is rather putting the cart before the horse.

When we start writing memoir, we do this primarily for ourselves. Note, we are not writing for anyone else. We are writing for ourselves alone. So, of course, we can presume to do that, since we are not imposing our views or our undertaking on anyone else – unless we are also assuming that the time we take away from our normal day to write, is presumptuous in itself, and we are keeping our fingers and toes crossed that no-one will object. But that is like saying that we should not paint, or dance or sing, in case the neighbours, our friends our family take umbrage. (We often do think this kind of thing, believing that what our neighbours, friends, etc think about what we are doing, is more important than our doing it; which is rather nonsense, and a little sad.)

However, if we can’t get beyond these kinds of objections – if they keep their grip on us and stop us getting started – perhaps the best conclusion to draw is that we are ten or twenty years too early to get started: As we get older, believe me, other people’s opinions matter, of course, but we get impatient. Eyes on the clock, one day it dawns on us that if we don’t do this now – immediately make a start right now – we may never do it.

So, in considering how to write memoir, it might be an idea to take a quick gander through all the automatic excuses we come up with, and test their strength against that of our resolve. Because we are going to need all the resolve we can muster, to undertake the writing of memoir.

To be continued. Thanks for reading.

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