How to write our memoirs
I may want to write my memoirs, but for some reason – maybe our curtains need washed, or maybe I need to have coffee with my friends – I constantly put it off. Which is interesting in itself, and worthy of a whole book alone. Why do we forever put off doing those things we really want to?
I’m forever making excuses not to write: I’m far too busy, I have to collect the kids in ten minutes, what do I know..? though I have found that as I get older, those excuses and many others like them – how dare they! – have abandoned me.
The kids grow up and make their own way, the busy jobs lose their appeal or are done by others – the jobs look after themselves, perhaps – so assuming I have finally run out of excuses, I am left with only question to stop me getting started, What do I know, anyway?
Simple! You know the most anyone will ever know, about your own life. That qualifies you, above all others, to write about it. The next question or stumbling block is, I don’t like to presume….but, if you will pardon me for saying so, that is rather putting the cart before the horse.
When we start writing memoir, we do this primarily for ourselves. Note, we are not writing for anyone else. We are writing for ourselves alone. So, of course, we can presume to do that, since we are not imposing our views or our undertaking on anyone else – unless we are also assuming that the time we take away from our normal day to write, is presumptuous in itself, and we are keeping our fingers and toes crossed that no-one will object. But that is like saying that we should not paint, or dance or sing, in case the neighbours, our friends our family take umbrage. (We often do think this kind of thing, believing that what our neighbours, friends, etc think about what we are doing, is more important than our doing it; which is rather nonsense, and a little sad.)
However, if we can’t get beyond these kinds of objections – if they keep their grip on us and stop us getting started – perhaps the best conclusion to draw is that we are ten or twenty years too early to get started: As we get older, believe me, other people’s opinions matter, of course, but we get impatient. Eyes on the clock, one day it dawns on us that if we don’t do this now – immediately make a start right now – we may never do it.
So, in considering how to write memoir, it might be an idea to take a quick gander through all the automatic excuses we come up with, and test their strength against that of our resolve. Because we are going to need all the resolve we can muster, to undertake the writing of memoir.
To be continued. Thanks for reading.
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October 2, 2017 @ 10:58 am
So very true Fran. I am the Family History Researcher in our family and wanted to write the family history but so many have raised objections I have stopped writing for now. Not really a memoir either, but I think that would be the only way to do it so that it is my view of things and not THE history which so many seem to find a threat. Good luck with everything. It is going to be a fab read. x
October 2, 2017 @ 12:22 pm
Thanks Jane! Your comment is so true. I have only written my memoir from my POV as there is no other way, unless, as you have discovered, we become the official family ‘historian’ in which case, we then have to have the diplomacy to manage all the different points of view. I know I couldn’t manage that. 🙂 Memoir doesn’t often try to, thankfully, though biography makes more attempt to be objective. Thanks for commenting. xx
October 2, 2017 @ 12:17 pm
There is a question here, “when we start writing memoir , are we doing this primarily for ourselves, ” or Because “I am the Family History Researcher in our family”? I hope I am not twisting the motive is it personal understanding of something or other or more a history that could be used for building upon as history or a base to start history of a family or a novel or whatever? Maybe it is the one and the other in the same time! I hope I am not an outsider. But all this is beside the real question “How to write our memoir” I
October 2, 2017 @ 12:28 pm
Thanks for your comment, Wadjih – this is only the first in a series of blog posts about how to write memoir.
I find it has been really helpful to me, to clarify what my reasons are for not writing. If I find that most of my reasons are because I am feeling afraid, that is interesting and helps me to know whether I am ready, or not yet, or whether I am making excuses.
We often stop ourselves from writing, because we are afraid, so recognising that makes writing easier, in my experience. It seems that writers are good at making excuses not to write, as I did for so many years.
Thanks so much for your comments!