Fran Macilvey

Short Story – Mum – Part Eight

It was dark by the time Audrey stood up and decided she would like a cup of tea. The entire contents of the bureau, the letters – which fell like confetti on the carpet – and the suit, all went into the kitchen dustbin, covering the remains of last night’s chicken noodle soup. Sometimes Audrey recycled her food waste, and at other times, she just chucked it. Now, she was particularly grateful for the congealing saucy mess that smeared all over these precious letters. Recycle paper? Not this time.

With a rage, a fury that she had never felt before, Audrey collected every scrap of paper, every peeling corner of envelope and tape and threw them in the rubbish. The suit, so unworn and old-fashioned, went out. The suitcase would have gone too, but Audrey, disinclined to waste, at the last minute, left it where someone would find it and take it home. Look what I found sitting on the curb, Amanda. A lovely retro briefcase…

Pamela came for afternoon tea the following weekend, and noticed that the bureau was missing.

“How are you, Mum?” she asked, glimpsing care in her mother’s eyes.

“I’m fine love, really. Glad to get the clearing finished, to be honest. I think it’s about time we took a holiday, actually. Dad’s pension has been collecting and I think it’s time we spent some of it, don’t you?”

As her daughter nodded in agreement, enthused about hiring a small house for maybe a weekend and taking the whole family, Audrey pulled her into her arms for a hug. “Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter to me.”

My daughter she thought, with pride.

***

The End

***

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Short Story – Mum – Part Seven

“Come on, girl, you knew this would be hard…” Audrey whispered, as her hands shook.

She unfolded and placed all the letters in a pile, not daring to look at the contents. The world could wait, to shift on its axis. The same handwriting, the same salutations… My dear Naomi…. Darling Derek …the brief, to the point and unambiguous style Audrey recognized.

Without even needing to read, Audrey understood, of course. How could she not, with the affectionate writing clearly before her to give substance to snippets and snatches of conversation down the years, to telephone calls abbreviated. She had never been stupid, exactly, but always the last person to know. She had always taken what she saw at face value.

Facing her now, was the reason for the suitcase, Derek’s suitcase; the reason for the blue dress hanging at the back of Naomi’s wardrobe, that Audrey had given her when Naomi was first pregnant. The reason for the man’s grey flannel suit found in the suitcase: hidden for so many years because there was no way that Derek could come home wearing a suit that Audrey would not recognize. It was there on her husband, in the photos that she had not remembered snapping. Pamela. It was so obvious, now. How could Audrey not have seen it. Had she been blind?

At first Audrey had thought her sister was ill, pining for fresh air and good food. She laughed her out of despondency and they went away, taking the bus to the seaside or to the matinee at the Palais cinema. Audrey looked after her younger sister, always had done; and she had believed they shared all their secrets.

Audrey had bought that dress for Naomi to cheer her up. Thinking of it hanging wistfully at the back of her bedroom door, for some obscure reason, Audrey was comforted. Naomi liked that dress enough to keep it. Had she loved her sister, after all?

Then Naomi had become fatter, more tearful and frightened. Audrey watched, horrified, then a bit relieved, when her sister whisperingly asked her if she might take the baby? After all, Derek and she were trying for a family, weren’t they? Who would know, except the three of them? It could be kept quiet if the two sisters acted together…. But who was the father?

Audrey hadn’t pressed. What was the use of knowing which useless layabout it had been? She asked Derek whether he would be willing to take the baby.

He had been delighted. Of course. Now, Audrey could see that she had been a bit blind there. Which man would take on someone else’s baby without asking at least some questions? Derek hadn’t asked, he had just nodded and started crying, saying he would be pleased to help.

Yes, he had helped. He had got very involved with Naomi’s child, with Pamela. He had taken her off for weekends. Obvious now. It had been the three of them.

***

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Short Story – Mum – Part Six

Having stowed the suitcase in the boot of her car, Audrey was just locking the bureau when the doorbell rang. “Just coming!” she called, hastily pocketing her new keys, tucking away Naomi’s slip of paper and wiping her face with her hands. Two blurry shapes hovered on the threshold as she fixed on a polite smile. Standing blinking, she heard a voice asking, “Got a wardrobe for moving today, eh?”

“Yes, that’s right. Come in, it’s just through here…” and was relieved to turn away for a moment.

“Oh, it’s just a small thing, is it?” said the broad, genial man clearly in charge, bringing with him a thin, sloping junior with downcast eyes.  “We’ll have that over to you in two ticks. Going to 15 Welltower Gardens, you said?”

“Yes, that’s right. I’ll come and let you in. It’s not far.”

“Right you are then, missus.”

The sight of two men standing ready to do her bidding was unaccountably cheering. She smiled as the bureau was carefully carried out of the house, stowed in the back of an enormous van and driven away. She caught up with them and then stood by as they brought it into her house. It looked a bit ridiculous parked alongside the elegant coffee table in the living-room, but Audrey was thinking about the briefcase, the suit and the bureau’s contents. Paying the two men in cash, she closed the door with a sigh of relief. Tomorrow, she would be at her sister’s house again for the handover, but she had the rest of today to investigate and to wonder, what was so secret, it had to hide for twenty-five years?

Fingering keys and breathing deeply, Audrey faced the bureau and lifted the lid. That the contents were private was obvious. But there were faces in among the letters, the scraps of photos of houses, lanes and tall gents she recognized. Some of these were from her life too, and Audrey was puzzled as she lifted each picture gently and squinted down, remembering. There, a picture of her husband laughing, of Pamela dangling bare legs on a seaside wall. Of Naomi looking so happy…when had that been?

Dreaming would not answer her questions.  Audrey impulsively collected every scrap out of the drawers, checking under the blotter, at the back of the desk and feeling round edges. Everything retrieved, she looked at the emptied-out cabinet and sighed: now it stood devoid of its secret hoard, such a sad, neglected item, but on closer inspection, surprisingly promising. Shades of earlier grandeur might be restored and polished up.

Carefully, Audrey lifted small, folded letters out of crumbling envelopes and read. There were so many, that finally she decided to sort them in date order, to make more sense of them. She knew Naomi’s rounded, childish script, and the other, more sloping and spare. A hole opened up, small at first, like a slow puncture of alarm, hardly conscious, but gathering weight as the day wore on.

***

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Short Story – Mum – Part Five

At the back of the top shelf in the bedroom wardrobe, Audrey found something: an old suitcase, well out of sight and coated in dust so deep that she doubted it had been touched since Naomi had moved in twenty years previously. Without a chair to stand on, she managed to prod at it with her fingers, poking through the slatted shelves until it toppled forward with a sigh. Then it was a simple matter to grab the handle and slide it down onto the floor. It was surprisingly light. Sticky grime concealed a brown leather case with elegant, stitched handles. Not one that Audrey had ever seen before. When she tried the hasps, they held fast, and she had no wish to break them or spoil the leather. There must be a key, or a combination somewhere. Distractedly turning around the room, she remembered the bureau and hurried through to the lounge.

She tried all the hinges, the locks, all the angles on the desk that she could get any purchase on.  Nothing moved. She studied it from all angles, looking so closely that she might have been hoping to coax it: Where do I find a key for you, eh? What should I do now? Naomi had been straightforward. She had never had time for devious or clever games, so a key had to be nearby. Perhaps stuck to the base? Kneeling down and lifting a corner of the bureau experimentally, it was surprisingly easy to peer up and see – nothing taped there – and then walk it forward. On the newly exposed carpet, there was only a small piece of paper, a scrap torn from the edge of a newspaper. Seeing Naomi’s strong, confident handwriting down the margin of a “Glasgow Herald” scrap, Audrey wilted sorrowfully. All this would never bring her sister back.

It looked like a phone number, a three-four sequence, but not one she recognized. It might be worth a try. She fetched the suitcase, wiped the top with the cuff of her cardigan – instantly regretting the grey line which marked the knitted blue fabric – and tilted it onto her lap. Sitting alone on the carpet she felt like a schoolgirl tampering with something forbidden, trembling and fearful that someone would march in on her and give her a row. But these last of her sister’s belongings were hers now, a realization that finally brought home her loss. Rocking forward, she held her knees and cried, the tears dripping off her face and marking her trousers.

It was the thought of the removers coming that made her sit up suddenly. Idly fingering the locks of the briefcase, she twisted round the stiff combination until she selected the numbers in their left-right sequence. Audrey was so lightheaded from crying, she forgot to be surprised when the suitcase opened first time. As easy as that, the hasps flicked up, she lifted the lid and the hinges slid stiffly into position.

She found a brown envelope and a man’s grey suit. The jacket, Audrey had not seen before. Before unfolding it and allowing her fingers to feel something she might prefer not to, she opened the brown envelope, which contained keys, letters and papers. Hurrying, aware that now was not the time to be looking too closely, Audrey lifted the keys, two of them, small, identical and tied together with yellow string. It was satisfying to put them in the keyhole of the bureau and notice how smoothly they turned in the lock. Lifting the lid revealed shelves and two drawers. Solving the puzzle so easily, Audrey quickly scanned the contents of the bureau, spotting what looked like post-war photograph albums, several diaries, a fountain pen, a blotter and some stationery. All of this would be gone through, but not now.

***

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Short Story – Mum – Part Four

“Where is the key, though? I must’ve spent the last fifty minutes looking for it!”

That morning, Pam had been at the hospital with her small daughter, Susie, a fragile infant susceptible to every illness, who was currently suffering from chicken pox. With Susie off from playgroup and rather listlessly amusing herself at her mother’s heels, Pam was at Naomi’s house, trying to find a key into the bureau which stood in its usual place under the window in the lounge. It was the only decent piece of furniture.

“Perhaps we should leave it just now, darling. I would like the bureau actually; it would go well in the living-room, a step up from the table in the corner. Somewhere to keep my papers and things…” Audrey had just arrived from her art class and was relaxing with a cup of tea. “Shall we clear the kitchen now? It might be an idea. We only ever use the kettle and the cups…”

Together they started emptying cupboards and baking drawers and discarding the kitchenalia, some of which – the scissors, the potato peeler and the corkscrew – had been well used. Anything which looked new – the garlic press, the “Creuset” kitchen pots, the plastic sieve – was regarded suspiciously. Either it had turned out useless or was too heavy to lift. Doubtfully, Audrey considered whether she might have a use for the pots. Would they end up as merely a decorative addition to her kitchen? Pamela, just starting a family and with many years ahead of her, might be persuaded.

Though Audrey was sorely tempted to ask a firm of house clearers to come round and take everything away, some stubbornness insisted, “Not yet, not quite yet…” Until then, baking trays, cereal bowls and the remains of packets were to be considered, sorted or discarded. The hours passed easily, slowing down whenever Audrey unearthed memories trapped within recipe books that had belonged to their mother, or found the tea cosy that Ina had made from felted wool and kept through the war. A set of scales that had once looked so proud were now relegated to the top of the cupboard and hard to fetch down; and the steps that had been used to fetch Dad’s plum jam and marmalade from the high shelves in their old house, would have to find a new home. Several good charities locally would gratefully accept donations.

Gradually the house emptied until all that was left were the carpets and the bureau. Audrey arranged to have that delivered to her house the day before the Council were due to take possession and change the locks. In preparation, Audrey roused herself very early. By seven she was already pulling her own front door shut behind her and moving briskly up the path. She drove the two miles to her sister’s house and cautiously let herself in. Strange to think that tomorrow, these keys would no longer fit the door.

Expecting the removers to arrive at ten, Audrey walked through each room, checking to make sure that nothing was left. It was straightforward: the house was simply laid out and quite bare. Even so, Audrey checked all the cupboards and scanned the lie of the carpets, partly to put to rest uncomfortable memories of her sister’s occupancy and partly to make sure….

She just wanted to be certain.

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Short Story – Mum – Part Three

Companionably, the two women worked together, Audrey staying by the wardrobe and Pamela opening the top drawer of the bedside chest. That way, they could each be together, but not so close that they fought for space. At first they gathered and sorted gently, carefully considering each item and then gradually picking up speed, so that before long, six large bags had been filled with an assortment of personal items no-one would want: old stockings and tights, underwear and tops. Lipsticks and eyeliner scooped out of the drawers went in with bits of lavender sachets, cheque stubs, old biros and scraps of paper. Gladly, Audrey would slip open a new sack and fill it with outdated shoes and worn-out boots, baggy trouser suits and warm, shabby tops that might have come from Damart circa 1975.

“It feels a bit too private, doesn’t it? Panty liners and brassieres are not really meant to be seen by anyone else, are they?” Pamela exclaimed, her cheeks pink with embarrassment. Her mother just nodded, adding, “But then, you never know when you are going to die, do you?” and before she could stop herself, she started quietly crying, big tears just leaving her eyes and rolling over her cheeks and down her neck. She wiped them away, but more came, and more, until it was too obvious she would have to leave the room and get a hanky. She glanced up, helpless with grief as Pam quietly fetched the box of Kleenex from the kitchen windowsill. “Let’s keep going, shall we?” Audrey croaked, feeling deeply self-conscious.

“Yes Mum, though I would like a cup of tea in a minute.”

Glancing at her wrist, Audrey was surprised that it was almost six o’clock. She had been half expecting to hear a key in the lock, footsteps over the threshold. The silence, unmarked by the usual noisy rituals of occupation, had slipped past her.

“Just a little more, and then I think we could stop for the day?” she agreed, but hesitantly, as if reluctant to break apart their togetherness. “Shall we come back tomorrow?” Audrey felt suddenly unsure. “There is so much still to do.”

“Whatever you like,” Pam answered automatically, then smiled to show that she had all the time in the world. “We’ll call someone to come and take away those bags.”

Suddenly both tired, they gazed around the room, straightened their backs. The roll of plastic sacks had become a couple of flat shadows, while in the hallway and living-room over a dozen carriers were piled up, filled with the remains of a life. The newer things, the unopened packets and extra items of clothes were gathered in another bag, waiting like a dog at Pamela’s heels. Since Naomi had not been shopping for many months and had been practically house bound for over a year, it was light.

Naomi’s bedroom, with its stained furniture, dusty lampshades and furry corners, looked almost exactly as it had when they had started, hours ago. It would take a week or so to tidy away the different lots, organize uplift of the more useful items of furniture and arrange for house clearance. After that, there were readings for the telephone, the gas and electric. The hospital would come and collect its equipment and then, apart from cleaning the place from top to bottom, there was nothing more to do. The Council would take possession at the end of the month, in three weeks’ time.

Naomi had left no money, no assets, nothing except a few bright, well-worn dresses. One of these, a deep turquoise, strapless summer number which had hung quietly on its hangar for twenty-five years, Audrey collected, folded and put carefully to one side.

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Short Story – Mum – Part Two

Naomi, who had fizzed through her years with ferocious elegance, ended up eking out her last days in a small, two-roomed council house with no garden. Pretending to enjoy the cigarettes to which she was so badly addicted, she hardly ate; and as throat cancer took hold, grew and blossomed darkly inside her thin body, Audrey watched in despair. Her sisterly arms could only hold hands and wordlessly pray. Nor was there a cure to whip up from the chemist’s or the whole-food shop; no copper bangle, crystal prayer mat, scented candle or shaman’s feather would fill the void, answer the questions or deal with the thin agony of wasting illness. As she watched, Audrey’s anger kept her moving.

Now, as anger seeped away, tiredness threatened to paralyze Audrey. Though often argumentative, annoying and disagreeable with each other, Naomi and she had been in so many ways the same, understanding and knowledgeable around each other. All that familiarity lost, and where could she find it again?

Bracing her legs beneath her, Audrey stood and very carefully approached the built-in wardrobe with its full length mirrors. Long mirrors are fine when you are young, happy and expansive. Utterly demoralizing when what you see behind you in the reflection are the remains of sorrow, illness and decrepitude. Audrey slid the cupboard door ajar and something nameless whisked past her face. Moths? That would make her job easier. The smell of her sister’s perfume still held in the background, deeper than the dust, the sweat in unwashed woollens and crêpe-like silk jackets. Automatically, before she could stop to think, Audrey started hefting stuff out and throwing it behind her onto the bed. All of it: jackets, skirts, shirts, vests from the shelf, cardigans which had been fashionable decades earlier. The pace quickened until Audrey felt sweat breaking out on her forehead, running down and stinging her eyes. She ploughed on, ignoring the dust and her hair stuck to her cheeks.

“Pamela!” she called, feeling unaccountably invigorated by the mess, “Could you fetch through the roll of black bags, please?” Asking please cost such an effort. “Under the sink, I think…”

It felt good to be clearing a space, even if that meant swapping one mess for another. Her daughter crept in moments later and, with unaccustomed tact, quietly left the black plastic roll on the dressing table. In her other hand she carried a saucer and cup of tea, which clinked as it too, was placed on the table top.

“Thank you, darling.” Audrey smiled with relief. “Come and help, if you like. I could do with a hand, though most of this looks ready for landfill.” Tentatively eyeing the jumbled accumulation, wondering how long it might take to sort, she abruptly decided she hardly cared. “Grab a bag and start chucking.”

***

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Short Story – Mum – part One

***

Mum

“Mum? Are you packing up already?”

“It might be a good idea to make a start.” Audrey, 62, swept a tired gaze over the bedroom where she stood, knee-deep in boxes, bags and piles of slightly mildewed linen.

“It’s what she would have preferred, don’t you think?”

“Yes, no, not really” agreed Pam wearily. In the kitchen across the hall, Audrey’s daughter was rooting about, lighting an ancient kettle which had always boiled on the gas hob. Naomi had insisted on using it, rather than a more modern electric one, even though the once-shiny dome was scratched and dirty with age.

“We should be grateful.” Pam just caught her mother’s words, which ended on a sigh.

“Low maintenance, was she?” Pam called, louder than she intended. Through these flimsy partition walls, sounds travelled easily.

“Yes, I suppose so, though you never knew her in our young days. She was always getting into scrapes.”

“I bet,” Pam agreed, awkwardly changed the subject. “Cup of tea?”

“Yes, why not? The china might as well have an outing.”

“There are biscuits, if you would like one?”

“No thanks!” Audrey made herself sound cheerfully careless, as a wave of nausea swept over her shoulders and up her throat.

“The milk’s off” Pam called.

“Never mind, I like it black just as well.” Fighting back annoyance, Audrey sank wearily down into the nearest chair, an upright Chesterfield that, like most of the items crowding the room, had seen better days. Goodness knows why she felt so tired all of a sudden. She hadn’t done much; nothing today, in fact, except take in the empty silence and the detritus leaning against the grubby walls. Unopened bills cluttered the dressing table. The two large chairs in the room had been pushed back to allow equipment in – a new large bed with memory mattress foam, an assortment of pots and pans for collecting and disposing of body fluids. Bedridden at the end, Naomi’s elegant attempts to maintain her dignity were finally overwhelmed in a tidal wave of weakness, sickness and frailty which mercifully blinded her to the stains on the carpet. The numbing medication she swallowed hid the smell of her own sweet decay.

As if Naomi was coming home, the telephone waited obediently, ringing occasionally. The curtains flapped lazily at the window which Pam had levered wide open in an effort to clear some of the smell. Around the edges of the room and where furniture had rested, the blue carpet kept its original softness, which contrasted oddly with the scuff marks and tea stains around the bed.

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Short Story – Changing Times – Part Six

She considered what to do.

“There are few things that cannot be tackled after a bath.” Her mother’s words startled Edith.

“Mum? Are you there?”

“Of course! Go and get yourself tidied up, girl.”

Pleased to be told, Edith retraced her steps, pausing as she reached the half way mark up the stair, gladly removing her clothes which caught round her neck and made her sweat uncomfortably. Her hair could do with a wash, too. She left the bathroom door ajar as she stripped and helped herself over the sill of the bath by leaning heavily on the sink. The old, faithful taps she gripped and turned had never let her down, never dripped, never wasted a drop.

Grey water was clean enough, un-rationed and plentiful, since Edith took few showers lately, more interested in drinking tea and dreaming. She must stop doing that, she reflected, as she washed away the hardness that clung over her face. Must make the most of what I have: a daughter who loves me – a grandson. What was his name? She flushed with shame to have forgotten that. No need now, to ration her soaps, so she fished the almost empty plastic bottle from the cabinet, filled it with water and used that for a body wash and shampoo. The last time she would smell lavender brought tears to her eyes. She wept and washed, combing through her hair and watching everything swirl down the drain.

 The authorities would take her house, but she wouldn’t have to clear it. They would salvage what they could, recycle building materials they might need, and leave the rest, or powder it for bricks. All she had to do was pack a suitcase while she waited for permission to move. Their reply would not be long in arriving.

They would be happy to have won a victory. She, on the other hand, knew that she was surrendering little. She would see more of her daughter, now that their conflict was ending, and more of her grandson, since she was about to turn respectable. She would have more to eat, and company.

She could listen to Bach and Chopin on her personal radio. Personal programing allowed that, in between the announcements. She would have help. As she wept for her losses, Edith knew that she would manage. She would make her daughter happy again.

***

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Short Story – Changing Times – Part Five

Edith straightened and pulled her hair off her forehead, aware that time was passing so fast. She had come to the garden just minutes ago, and now, look, it was going to be dark soon. Glancing up at the lowering skies, she grimaced, collected her tools and basket and carefully went indoors. Her knees and fingers were stiffening and her feet ached. Good.

She slammed the back door and locked it, twice, checking to see that the window was bolted shut and the light extinguished in the kitchen before retiring. Her supper had been meagre: an end of bread, some mangled meat substitute from a tin and the dregs of tea that she had reheated over the small stove and put into a flask. But she had a few beans, some parsley, a handful or two of blackcurrants and a few dandelion stems for a bit of freshness, and these she ate slowly and with great relish. The fresh scent of blackcurrants evoked the freshness of her youth. Tinted earth lingered on her clothes and in the sweat on her skin.

Late at night, with the curtains drawn and the small desk light for company, she wrote a reply to the authorities: Dear Sirs, thank you for your communication of 5^th instant. I am pleased to accept your kind invitation to move into the Ninth Quarter. Please expect my arrival by the end of this month. Sincerely…Though she had no intention of moving, she felt better having written, addressed and stamped the letter.

She slept over her arm, which, as it slipped off the desk, jolted her awake. The light was flickering, signalling the end of evening power, so she let it go out and waited, summoning the strength to reach her bed. She stiffly inched sideways until the comforting feel of soft, cool covers brushed her legs and she fell, collapsing sideways. Scarcely able to unbutton her cardigan, she shuffled off her slippers and in a flurry of energy which left her exhausted, folded herself beneath the covers.

The following morning, unusually drowsy and unwilling to move, she roused herself late. Had the poison caught her system at last? The dandelion leaves, the beans that might not have boiled for long enough before the gas died? So many things seemed to be finishing, running out. What about me? Edith thought, with unaccustomed self-pity. Could I just run out there? She sat bolt upright in bed, though her head sang with dizziness. A light shone over the corner desk, the curtains had not been drawn, and she was fully dressed, warm in her twisted, buttoned clothes.

Out in the cooler air of the landing, she felt her way gingerly downstairs and through to the back. The key was not in the door. She had locked it, but where was the key? Had she put it down? She felt for it, walked to the window and found it lying there, on the ledge. Strange, she had never done that before…her cup, half-filled with cold water and the small pan, were waiting from the night before. But Edith was not hungry. With an effort she opened the door and pulled it ajar, almost falling over herself to get outside. The air blew damply around her, filled with dripping coolness which she breathed, hungry for refreshment.

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