Pieter Alexander Hintjens: 3 December 1962 – 4 October 2016
After a long and painful illness, a battle with cancer over the last six years, my brother has died in Brussels, aged only 53.
My love for him has always been the adoring, muted kind that looked up to the light he shone, that basked in his enthusiasm and tried, and failed, to keep up with the thousand-and-one ideas he gave voice and form to. Many of his passions were beyond my comprehension but very real, nevertheless. As a computer programmer, writer of internet protocols and founder of on-line communities, his interests went way over my head. As an author, latterly, we connected and I was able to collaborate with him on one of his books – The Psychopath Code – an involvement for which I am profoundly grateful: Not only has this particular book helped me to navigate a few tricky moments in my own life, but the understanding we shared was like coming home.
I can’t begin to do justice to my brother’s legacy as a professional innovator, thinker, and networker. Pieter was one of these rare people totally unafraid to take chances, to think not just outside the box but into the next universe. How he maintained his enthusiasm and energy, where his inspiration came from, I shall not know in this lifetime.
His death last Tuesday has opened up a hole in my life, a tear in the fabric of my normal. Poignantly – and painfully – it is only as his legacy becomes clearer that I notice the loss of his quiet, determined contribution in my life. Always, in the background, he encouraged me, supporting my modest hopes for an ordinary life: my ambitions to study, to write, to marry and have a child. In all these attempts he was unwaveringly supportive, while seeking so little from me in return. Of course, elder brothers are looked up to, and often expected to take the lead. But lately, in these last few years, while he faced pain and uncertainty – about which he has written so candidly on his blog – while he battled fear and the shadows of disappointment with his trademark wry humour, he faced these challenges fearlessly and with a fiery determination that is frankly awe-inspiring.
If I could, I would swear from now on to be always forgiving, loving, kind. But because I am only human I can undertake only to do my best to make him proud of me. I was always proud of him.
Please share:
October 11, 2016 @ 10:11 pm
Oh Fran, what a beautiful tribute. You were blessed to have such a brother. I am so very sorry for your loss.
October 12, 2016 @ 10:52 am
Thanks so much, Val. It’s been an emotional year. Words are never enough, but they are all I have at the moment. Bless you! ((xx))
October 12, 2016 @ 4:10 pm
Dear Fran,
I began using Pieter’s software in early 2015 and loved his technical writing and he was even kind enough to help me with technical questions.
His inclusivity in collaborative software projects is very powerful and has benefited my own work, and changed how I will approach new problems.
When he announced his battle with cancer, I was dealing with the illnesses of two of my closest relatives. His open and sensitive writings helped me to support my own family better and to understand their needs.
My best wishes to you all, and my condolences.
Kio
October 12, 2016 @ 4:45 pm
Dear Kio,
Thank you so much for your message. You are so thoughtful.
Pieter was very clear about the way we were to handle his challenges, and we did our best to honour that. In the process, being with him and watching his courage unfold, we have become kinder with each other. That is a great gift he has left us with.
Thank you so much for getting in touch. My best wishes to you.
Fran
Links 12/10/2016: Ansible Galaxy is Free Software, FreeBSD 11 Released | Techrights
October 12, 2016 @ 7:48 pm
[…] Pieter Alexander Hintjens: 3 December 1962 – 4 October 2016 […]
October 12, 2016 @ 8:43 pm
This is such a lovely and moving tribute. It gives a glimpse of the feeling behind the screen and it is real. I am so sorry for your loss, but I’m also so glad to hear that there are plenty of good memories that will keep him near. <3
October 13, 2016 @ 9:53 am
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Meredith. I’m blessed to remember my brother as I do, and know that he would want me to make the most of every day. So I’ll do that (as often as I can). 🙂 xxx
October 14, 2016 @ 1:02 am
Thanks sis I am not yet able to put into words what Pieter meant to me, since my affection for him was more like the sibling rivalry that is more classic. He was my alter ego from an early age, on a daily basis the closest living person to me till I was about 16, and the one person I felt I never quite fathomed…until it was almost to late, and even then, I feel I never really knew my brother. The lack of understanding was mostly mine. I never really knew my brother, and never realised how much he needed love to survive. He did think way, way outside the box, indeed, as you say! He is still here, in his preparations for death after a life lived fully. The experience of losing him is teaching me to value even more those I love.
October 14, 2016 @ 1:21 pm
Dear Helen
Who needs words, when we have feelings? In any case, words are symbols of something far greater. I am learning that it is vital not to judge: not to judge others, for we don’t see their bigger picture, and not to judge ourselves either, for we can have no idea what contribution we make to the lives of others. All we can hope is to do our best. That will have to be enough, for now. Bless you, and thanks for visiting. ((xxx))
October 17, 2016 @ 5:02 pm
Dearest Fran,
Sorry, I read this out of sequence following your Writers Block piece. I lost my own brother also named Peter, two years ago and still miss him so much. He was also the big brother that all his siblings looked up to. He was kind and generous with a great sense of humour, even while he was suffering from a long and painful illness. We know that the end can be merciful for our loved ones and tough on us but we’ve both been blessed with wonderful brothers in our lives.
Love
Tam.
October 18, 2016 @ 8:34 am
Thank you so much, Tam. It is exactly as you say, and I am blessed to have your understanding. ((xxx))
October 25, 2016 @ 10:45 pm
Dear Fran,
This is lovely, and laced with pain and grief. I wish I’d known Pieter–though listening in to what you say about him rings true to what I know about you. I pray you and your surviving family members will remain tender and open to each other. Life is short–not just on time, but on opportunities to communicate with each other from our hearts. My gratitude to Pieter who helped you become the strong, gifted, perceptive woman you are today. And to you for sharing so much of yourself in your writing.
Elouise
October 26, 2016 @ 10:19 am
Thank you so much, Elouise. Our opportunities are indeed fleeting, and the worst thing in the world is regret, so let us go out and populate the world with our understanding! We have had the opportunities this year to learn much more, and to finally let go of old grudges: Real blessings to be found in shadows. ((xx))