Holiday blues

I have the holiday blues: I love listening to the music of older, experienced singers. I find as I get older, that I respond to their gentle irony, their humour glimmering though wonderful, wistful lyrics. Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, singers I would not have given a thought to when I was younger, now console me in ways that I can’t articulate. They’ve been through hell of various kinds and learned so much, and they give the gift of their compassion though their songs. I’m grateful.

It’s the long Summer vacation here and it has been hot, there has been a drought in many places. I have decided I’m not doing a lot of work at the moment, that I deserve to rest and have a bit of fun while the schools are closed. So that is what I’m doing: reading books, relaxing and spending time just being happy. But there are threads of duty and necessity that trip me up, the trips of crossed wires and strange puzzlements. So I learn to release these while listening to the wise guys strumming on their guitars and singing sweetly ironic songs.

I still have deadlines, the itch to write, emails…and I would like to get my next book finished – at least a clean, full draft, by the end of August. Think I’ll make it? I’m not sure, but I’ve got to try, I feel, or else I shall become the message carrier, answering other people’s needs and purposes. To do that from choice is fine; to do it without thought, every time anyone ‘needs’ a thing, is less good. This doing things for others is a very old part of mummy territory, and one that needs careful watching. As Seline said today “You do a lot for your Mum.” Thanks, my lovely daughter, I’ll bear that in mind, and start doing more for myself. Pause for rather wistful reflection, while listening gratefully to holiday blues.

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