Optimism, faith and relaxing with Life were yesterday’s theories. God bless Sundays.
Today, I am wondering about the wisdom of having shipped out copies of my first book, “Trapped: My Life With Cerebral Palsy” to my long-time friends. I worry that they will read my story, and, filled with a new and worrisome incomprehension, they will flee from me, and possibly never speak to me again.
The older, wiser me steps in and attempts to arbitrate this fear, “Ah, but is fear of the reactions of others – even our friends – ever a reason to not do something which we feel impelled towards?” And I know, of course not, no. If we let our fears of disapproval dictate our actions all the time, we would have very small lives. Ruled by fear, what do we become? Mere shadows. Intellectually, logically and spiritually, I know this. I know too, that my friends like and love me for who I am. In most cases, a mere book will probably not come between us. But emotionally, I am less robust, frightened of my steps into the unknown, this uncharted territory. My resolution wavers wildly, and I am prone to unexpectedly fierce bouts of weeping. How will my kith and kin react to this latest bout of independent action? When my neighbours see me again, will their minds rove constantly to the sorrowful and shameful revelations of my story? Will their eyes flicker in disbelief or widen in disgust? I doubt it, yet part of me is sorrowful in fear.
The answer is in what I have written earlier, that the Universe is constantly conspiring to work things out in our favour. So then, everything I do is part of that process, in which there is nothing much to think about, far less actually worry about and a great deal to enjoy. Okay, that sounds gentle and reassuring, so it works meantime. Now, who else would like a copy of my book?
Please share:
March 10, 2014 @ 4:15 pm
I am looking forward to reading it.
I love and respect you, and am aware of my own shortcomings: so any shortcoming to which you can admit will not, I assure you, diminish my love.
March 10, 2014 @ 5:29 pm
I think you are actually doing your friends a disservice they will, if they are indeed your friends love you so very much more for your bravery and your honesty – I know these things – I am old 🙂
March 10, 2014 @ 6:15 pm
My dear friends,
Thank you so much. Your comments reassure me. I wait with baited breath for the storm that will never come.
XXXX :-)))
March 10, 2014 @ 7:09 pm
It is very hard to actually send a book out. Part of me wants to keep mine hidden in the computer with me hiding behind it. I longed for publication, but now it’s happening I feel thrust out into the daylight. Well done for getting your book out there.
March 11, 2014 @ 2:54 am
More people will be in admiration of your courage and honesty than will have any negative emotion. Other people’s perceptions are reflections of them, not you. There are 6 billion people in the world – we only have a handful of friends – it’s easy to move people with bad perceptions out of the ‘friends’ category and move some new people in 🙂 !
March 11, 2014 @ 9:04 am
Hurray, Rick! Thanks for your wise comment. XXX :-)))