Dilemmas of a memoir writer
I didn’t realise it at the time, but when I wrote my memoir I was tacitly agreeing that my life would be open to public view. In retrospect, of course, that much is obvious; yet even after publication, the idea of being available in that way took time to get used to: not only my writing but my life became, in some ways, a matter of public interest. An outcome that scarcely occurs to writers of fantasy fiction, say, or historical whodunnits.

Because of the quasi-public nature of my first three books, I try to conduct my life with probity and discretion, and to treat everyone who reads my books with consideration. But the fact remains, readers will get to know a lot about me, while I, absent-minded at best, will probably learn very little about my reader friends. I have difficulty sometimes remembering people’s names – my own, too, so it’s not personal – and in even the most kindly exchanges with readers, I have no idea whether they have one sister or two, unless they choose to share personal details like these with me, or write blog posts about family.
Writers like Elouise, whose blogs I have followed for a few years I admire particularly, I suspect, because she also chooses to share the story of her life and her birth family. And I notice that I tend to gravitate towards other memoir writers whose books I have read. But then, I have always enjoyed reading life stories.
Happily, it rarely occurs to me to notice that the information exchange with my readers is a bit lopsided. In any case, the end point of any memoir already puts that story into a kind of historical context, marking a full stop beyond which life moves ahead steadily. I’m already a different person from that woman who looked out at the world a month ago.
But I do forget, sometimes, that people know more about me than I know about them. And have to remind myself that I don’t need to explain…
Thanks for listening.
Please share:
March 1, 2019 @ 5:00 pm
What a timely post! Though I’ve never written a formal memoir, the two books I’ve had published were, explicitly and implicitly, driven by my childhood experiences. Not just at home, but in various churches, educational and social settings.
Why timely? Because I find myself reading some of my earlier posts (normally those that are getting read right now by visitors), and seeing how much I’ve changed (and not changed) in the last five years. Since I see some of my followers regularly, I’m also aware that they know much more about me than I will ever know about them.
For me, the daily discipline (well, almost daily!) of writing as I am today is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done. My early posts got me where I am today–not because of what I wrote, but because of the agony of working through the ups and downs of my life. Things I’d never tried to put into words were begging to put into words and turned loose.
I’m honored by your mention of me in this post. I also believe that what I do today is fueled by what I’ve read in your writing–books and blog posts. Your courage and directness have been (and continue to be) a guiding star for me on many occasions.
And yes, you’re right on point: You’ve already written about it; you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. With the exception of never hiding how far you’ve come. The world still needs courageous women who have done the kind of work you’ve done, and are willing to ‘explain’ when faced with others who haven’t, won’t or can’t read your books. We still need honest women willing to tell it like it is and like it was.
And one more thing! I identify with the odd dynamic of talking with strangers or even acquaintances who know me better (or think they do) than I’ll ever know them. My mind tends to focus intently on themes and content of conversations, not on names or faces or places! It’s a bit disconcerting, since I’m a people-person from the inside out. But that’s the way it’s always been for me–and I don’t see it changing anytime soon! 🙂
Cheers, Fran! It’s such a privilege to know you. I wish I could be here every day–perhaps someday I’ll be able to do just that. In the meantime, know that I pray for you and am always fed and challenged when I come to your place right here in bloggy-land.
Love and hugs aplenty!
Elouise
March 1, 2019 @ 5:15 pm
Thank you too, Elouise, you are so, so welcome.
I’m very happy that you consider this post timely. The disparities between what I think I know of others and what they think they know of me, is not a subject that I find easy to write about, yet, I do have to stop myself repeating stuff that yes, they read about already.
I do intend to keep working and standing up for those who find it harder to stand up than average. It seems that my latest lessons in which I’ve got used to doing three things at once, are reminding me of how much we can each of us achieve, if only we give ourselves permission to try. And as we get older, naturally we care less, which also helps.
You write, “…My early posts got me where I am today–not because of what I wrote, but because of the agony of working through the ups and downs of my life…” Well put, and so exactly on point. Actually, you write very beautifully, and uniquely. Perhaps one day, you might consider putting your posts into book form.
Lots of love, always.
Fran
March 11, 2019 @ 1:56 am
Hi Fran,
When I published my memoir, nearly four years ago, I literally remember having a panic attack when I realised my life was out there for the world to see and to judge. Not a nice feeling. I got over it however and thought that I had been open and honest. I was in a way past worrying what people thought of me but for that one night. It is a process to get to the point though.
March 11, 2019 @ 8:25 am
Hi Julie
Yes, that’s exactly right. Panic attacks for every new venture, esp publication. Reading the audiobook was a big effort for me, too. But we learn, throughout, that no-one cares – in a bad way – as much as we think they will. And there is lots of support out there too. Writing memoir is very defitinely a process we go through, of writing and re-writing. I’m so glad I wrote ‘Trapped’ and I’m so glad I’ll never have to again. 🙂 xx