“The Charioteer” by Mary Renault
I finished reading “The Charioteer” by Mary Renault for the fourth time, with a view to, I suspect, deciding that I had passed beyond my juvenile crush for it. Instead, I find myself more in love with this novel than ever. I have read and re-read every word. But quite why it has such a profound effect on me is much harder to discern. Why does it make me feel achingly sad?
It’s the story of two men who fall in love; more specifically, of one man, Laurie, who can’t choose between his love of a young conscientious objector Andrew, a Quaker, and an older, cynical but very-much-in-love-with-Laurie naval officer. My money is on the officer: dashing, handsome, emotionally intelligent and loving. What’s not to like? I side with the older man, Ralph, because he is at heart kind, articulate and certain of what he chooses. He trusts youthful Laurie with his love and asserts, proudly and unashamedly, the importance of physical love in the whole idea of being “in love”, challenging Laurie to flesh out his youthful idealism.
Physical satisfaction in love is something that I’ve always suspected represents a minority interest in the lives of disabled adults. So I’m blown away by Ralph’s honesty. He expresses so carefully the challenges of an integrated, unashamed desire for every aspect of being in love, without resorting to euphemism or coy evasion. How refreshing! I can hardly imagine the impact this novel must have made when it was first published in 1953, when homosexual relationships between consenting adults were still criminalised in the UK.
I’ll always be indebted to this novel because of its honest exploration of hypocrisy and the rights of adults to self-define. The main characters stand up for the rights of a minority who must keep their physical desires hidden, and of whom it is expected shame must be a daily burden. Ralph does not accept that; and despite his mixed – and at the time, probably shocking – sexual history, he is prepared to act heroically. In myself being part of a minority group that probably shy away from talking about their intimate relationships, I find my identification with him and am challenged to live as fully as I can, every day.
This book will keep its place on the short shelf of books that I will own for always.
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March 17, 2020
Self isolation or normal life
Fran Macilvey 'Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy', cerebral palsy, Fran's School of Hard Knocks 6 Comments
Self isolation or normal life
When I was young I would quite often fetch a chair, a book, a drink, a snack and some music on my trusty tape recorder. My Mum would glance wryly in my direction and say, “You’re having a party, aren’t you?” And I would agree, pleased with myself, and pleased also that I didn’t have to excuse my seeming passivity. It was never part of my plan to examine why? Why was I having a party for one?
This pandemic will have far-reaching outcomes for many of us. There is much talk of economic collapse, travel and leisure restrictions, and self isolation. We are alarmed at the prospect of managing without normal human intercourse for two, three weeks, even months.
Which got me thinking. How many of us spend a lot of time alone anyway? For whom is self isolation alarming? Those of us who go to parties, meet lots of people, travel as part of their normal expectations and eat out most lunchtimes may have to start thinking about that. Until yesterday, the prospect of spending three weeks with family at home was bracing, and had not made me unhappy. It was simply par for the course, and, actually, when I thought about it, perhaps I have been used to spending acres of time alone anyway, at home. I’m used to it, and I’m certain I’m not the only one.
It seems alarming to so many of us that we will have to curtail our expectations, but a lot of my disabled friends live day and daily with curtailment, and with expectations that make the prospect of enforced home stays almost a pleasure: no more having to pretend, or make such an effort, or be part of a bigger something that simply refuses to see, and that characterises honesty as self pity.
Perhaps an unintended outcome from this is that we learn to have more empathy for those with so little: the homeless, the poor, the vulnerable, our brave minorities who only wish to belong. I count myself as exceptionally lucky that I have support, love, kindness, options and a sense of humour. And that I am good at living with little, and have been so chronically accustomed to having low social expectations. Ski-ing holidays in the Vosges? Forget it. Parties and clubs? Pubs? Not often…
Thanks for listening. Stay safe.
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