I have a hard time saying no. I don’t want to disappoint people, so I make myself unhappy. Right? Wrong!
Reading books I don’t like, for example, that’s a big one. But honestly, how hard can it be? Read the book, post a review – or not – and that’s that. Except that it takes another several hours out of life – my life – reading another book I don’t especially want to. And it’s become another bad habit.
I’m not a book reviewer, though of course I delight in reviewing books I love. I would want to do that in any case, knowing how much I welcome reviews from supportive readers. (I welcome reviews from unsupportive readers too, but that is another story.) And generally, though I welcome reviews, I very rarely solicit them, as I feel that a book out in the public fends for itself, by and large.
But, partly because of my intensive stint of work on Authonomy, I’ve had to relearn how to read books for sheer pleasure, separating editing and critique from what I am reading for enjoyment, as far as I can. A process which has taken a few years – far longer than I expected it to.
So, of course, I should say NO to books that I don’t want to read, without having to list the reasons why not, or justify my choice to myself. Since the reasons are only for me and my conscience…
After all the hard work and the heartache to reach this day, if I can’t say No to what I don’t want, what has been the point of all my previous introspection and soul-searching? Saying No is absolutely key to getting around, finally, to doing what I want to do. Which, since it take effort and time, I deserve to prioritise.
It is not a mistake or a failure to lay aside a job that makes me feel heavy. It is, in fact, the way in which to make a happier, more soothing life, in which I find myself being kinder to myself and other people too. What’s not to like?
Today I’m delighted to feature on Kathy Pooler’s blog, writing about my books, in particular how and why I wrote my memoir, Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy.
I’m so grateful to Kathy for publishing my article on her website today.
Writing Trapped must rank as one of the hardest things I’ve done. Yet, it was the endurance test that ultimately saved my life and gave me a new sense of purpose, as well as countless opportunities to do things differently and see the world through fresh eyes. Having achieved that, no other test has seemed impossible, or anything like as daunting.
I do sincerely hope that my experiences with managing life challenges through contemplation, reading and writing will inspire others to take courage with their own personal mountains. We all have challenges to overcome, some expected, others that arrive like a cold whirlwind out of a clear blue sky. Whether we realise it or not, and whether or not we want to believe it, we can find ways to be happy, whatever life brings us.
That I have been enabled to find a path to peace through my writing makes me grateful beyond words.
Here are my top five tips for travel to Frankfurt Buchmesse
1 ~ Check out the cost of accommodation, which is considerably more than you might expect to pay, even taking into account the fall of Sterling against the Euro. Research the market and the expense carefully. Prices are considerably in excess of comparable accommodation in London, for example, considering location, star rating and available restaurants. Really quite startling differentials exist.
2 ~ Book accommodation early. That is, as soon as you know you will be visiting the FBM. There are hotels nearby, but don’t expect any accommodation to be available there: an enquiry for a single room at a well-known budget chain right beside the Halls complex will raise only an incredulous eyebrow or hysterical laughter.
3 ~ Travel light. Take only what you must, and weigh carefully the extra baggage you will carry around. Walking is probably mandatory, and walking distances previously undreamed of is to be anticipated. Especially if you have extra needs or find the moving escalators scary, as I do, and therefore have to rely on customer lifts, which are surprisingly few and far between. The Messe Halle are not particularly accessible for those with additional needs: there are few public lifts, the doors out to the disabled conveniences are so heavy that you require a strong-arm to lever them ajar, and the disabled loos are kept locked…
4 ~ Find a hotel that offers breakfast included in the accommodation price, and eat well. Then splash out on a proper lunch at the Venue – the catering is excellent, and if a tad expensive, so what? It’s a long way to travel to subsist only on a diet of wilted sandwiches, which I do not recommend. Having had a decent lunch, in the evenings I could relax and rest. My vital survival strategy: at every possible opportunity, do nothing, or invite others to help you with bottles of water, delivery of meals from takeaways… It is easy to be thankful, and hotel staff appreciate it, even if we have to communicate with them in scarcely discernible patois which we think is German, and they probably assume is Norwegian.
5 ~ Cash is useful, but simply being in possession of a wodge of Euros – which we have to spend, because the exchange rate is so bad, innit? (not true, actually) – need not blind us to ways to save on costs: share a cab with other delegates, book seats on the hotel’s morning shuttle bus at a fraction of the cost, use the locally available bus transport to take you direct to the airport instead of travelling by taxi to the main railway station and thence by train to the airport… Ask for advice and it will be given, and people are incredibly helpful.
I must be crazy. In the midst of illness, aches and pains and escalating domestic duties which are as unpredictable as they are demanding, I volunteered myself to fly off to Frankfurt – incidentally, when did flying as a means of getting from A to B morph from a guilty pleasure into a mind-numbing trudge? It can’t simply be that I have acclimatised to my husband’s view of the time and exertion that air travel demands, surely? – and immerse myself in the atmosphere of commercial Frankfurt at its busiest.
The Messehalle, a complex of twelve halls and outdoor areas in the centre of Frankfurt that hosts conferences all year round – 226 upcoming, according to its website – is so vast we can probably see it from the moon. Covering four hundred thousand square metres and with ninety conference halls, the ‘ten thousand hotel spaces within walking distance’ are a mere drop in the ocean of what is required to meet the annual demands of the Frankfurt Book Fair. As one of the biggest annual exhibitions – and certainly the biggest bookfair – on the planet, hotel rooms anywhere near the vicinity are fully booked years in advance. Almost the first thing a delegate organiser will do on the way home from the Fair is look for next year’s availability.
So why did I go? In this short series of articles, I’ll be considering why I went to Frankfurt Book Fair 2018; what it is about public spaces thronging with people that so appeals to me, and what I have learned from my experiences of travelling there.
In 2017 the Frankfurt Book Fair attracted 286,500 visitors, and in 2018 visitor numbers were only slightly down, at 285,000: more than I was expecting, given the surprisingly quiet restaurants and absence of crushing queues in the main entrances. Or perhaps I’m merely becoming accustomed to the hubbub, which can have a dizzying effect. With my rucksack on my back, wearing my most comfortable shoes, why on earth would I submit to such a strange and alien form of entertainment?
My perambulations in Australia and New Zealand over for now – what a holiday we had! – I am back home again. And what are my current ambitions?
I been reading a lot of books, including lately a series of novels about love, dating, discovering one’s true purpose in life… I’m sorry to say, I find myself increasingly impatient with multiple characters who find themselves able to win Masterchef and Bake-Off at the drop of a hat, who attract, without seeming to try, the attention of major modelling houses, talent scouts etc etc or who are so obscenely wealthy that they can fly off in personal jets anywhere they fancy, in stories that seem to rely on constant scene flashbacks. I take my impatience as a sign that I should really get back to writing my own books.
So, in the last two weeks, I have finished writing my second novel, The Seduction of Susan Scott which I am now combing through with a final edit. Hopefully, it will be in reasonable shape for my next trip to Frankfurt in October. My second novel complete, my fifth book, and finally I feel I am taking my trade seriously.
My ambitions at the moment include polishing both my finished novels Lisa Somerville and Susan Scott for a submission which I have ready to go at the start of September. To have two clean novels to offer feels much more positive than a tentative one-and-a-half. I might, in the month between now and October, write more of novel three (though I find myself having to take time out to say a fond farewell to Susan, Richard and Sheila).
While stepping cautiously forward and hoping for the best, balance has always been my biggest challenge. So now I find that I would rather succeed gently in many small ambitions than think about the possibility of failing at a big one. (If I ignore the big ambition and collect lots of small ones instead, I suspect that I can get to the big ambition without too much of of a panic.) Besides, I don’t really see what failure means, these days, except perhaps that it takes us ten years to do something we thought might take a couple of months…
To celebrate the completion of Susan Scott I am publishing a novella in instalments in my next series of blog posts.
Authors tend to be a species driven to succeed. So what do we mean by success? Here are my current top five ideas about what ‘success’ means.
~ A successful person does not compete with others, but pushes themselves to do the best they can with what they have available to them – time, money, opportunities, energy, inspiration – at any one time. When we know we have done the best we could, there is no room for regret.
~ A successful person first sets goals that are achievable and easy to reach. Two small goals are better than one big one. Once we meet our small goals, we can set bigger ones, until goal setting becomes our favourite game. Set the goal, believe in it, and watch the outcome!
~ Success embraces ‘failure’ as an essential part of what it means to succeed. Without ‘failure’ – maybe we could redefine that as ‘investing in alternatives’ – how can we decide what we prefer?
~ Success as a concept is surprisingly subjective, so we need never get upset when other people have different ideas about what it means for us; instead, we focus on what we enjoy, and what we can do, and we take ourselves forward tenderly, hopefully and with deliberate intention, not overly concerned with other people’s opinions.
~ Success means nothing if we are unhappy. To be happy – content, peaceful, at rest with oneself – is one of the highest aims in life, and however we define it, our success should serve that end. If first, we can be happy whatever we are doing, success is already agreed, and nothing further then depends on any goal we have in mind. Instead, our happiness gives us energy to move forward more easily and confidently, whatever we are doing.
Johannes Vermeer, ‘Young Woman with a Water Pitcher’
My third book, Making Miraclesis now complete and published under my imprimatur, Heartwell Publishing. Thanks so much to everyone who has helped make my latest dream come true.
My third book, Making Miracles, brings to a conclusion my various attempts, over the course of fifteen years, to encapsulate in three books – which follow in a loose series – what I have learned in the course of my varied life: how I have moved from profound unhappiness into contentment and have, hopefully, become a more deliberate creator of my own happiness.
Many people can and have managed to find meaning, purpose and happiness throughout their lives without needing to write about it; but I guess that writing has been my means to obtain peace, to learn to live with my frailties and come to terms with them. Writing is one way I have found answers and become a happier, kinder person, more at peace with myself. And perhaps, through what I have written, I can encourage others to think the best of themselves.
Making Miracles is the outcome of a dream diary that I kept over the course of fifteen years. Throughout that time, and as an ongoing process, I have been sent many reassurances and messages which make it increasingly clear to me that guidance – call it what you like; as long as it works, I have no particular attachment to names or concepts – is available all the time, and that we can each make use of our own guidance. Keeping notes or a diary has no particular significance, but makes it easier to remember things and learn from repeating experiences.
I have the holiday blues: I love listening to the music of older, experienced singers. I find as I get older, that I respond to their gentle irony, their humour glimmering though wonderful, wistful lyrics. Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, singers I would not have given a thought to when I was younger, now console me in ways that I can’t articulate. They’ve been through hell of various kinds and learned so much, and they give the gift of their compassion though their songs. I’m grateful.
It’s the long Summer vacation here and it has been hot, there has been a drought in many places. I have decided I’m not doing a lot of work at the moment, that I deserve to rest and have a bit of fun while the schools are closed. So that is what I’m doing: reading books, relaxing and spending time just being happy. But there are threads of duty and necessity that trip me up, the trips of crossed wires and strange puzzlements. So I learn to release these while listening to the wise guys strumming on their guitars and singing sweetly ironic songs.
I still have deadlines, the itch to write, emails…and I would like to get my next book finished – at least a clean, full draft, by the end of August. Think I’ll make it? I’m not sure, but I’ve got to try, I feel, or else I shall become the message carrier, answering other people’s needs and purposes. To do that from choice is fine; to do it without thought, every time anyone ‘needs’ a thing, is less good. This doing things for others is a very old part of mummy territory, and one that needs careful watching. As Seline said today “You do a lot for your Mum.” Thanks, my lovely daughter, I’ll bear that in mind, and start doing more for myself. Pause for rather wistful reflection, while listening gratefully to holiday blues.
There are a few accounts to set up if we are venturing into indie publishing. Again, using my choices as a model – which can only be a rough guide, since we each must make our own choices, which are multiple and varied and constantly changing – this is a summary of the accounts I have to help me with publishing. For this, it does help if you have a love of passwords…
~ An Amazon account from which I can publish my book as a paperback with its own ISBN, (which I have bought and paid for). Known as CreateSpace, this platform is the traditional way to publish POD on Amazon.
~ Another Amazon account which allows me to publish my book in kindle. Kindle is the e-book format that Amazon uses, exclusive to that company. It is now possible to publish both kindle and POD format books on the same platform – KDP – which stands for Kindle Direct Publishing, and if you are new to publishing, I recommend you do this.
~ An IngramSpark Account, which enables me to publish both POD books and e-books for all distribution outside Amazon. There are four possibilities you can select from when setting up your account, and it is possible to ask IS to publish for you to all other platforms. I use IngramSpark because I like their distribution list, and I love having a UK base from where I can order copies of my POD quickly.
~ An account with Nielsen UK ISBN store – from whom we purchase ISBNs.
~ An account with Nielsen’s Title Editor – where we register details of our book(s) so that they can be added to a national database and found easily.
There are other platforms and publishing models to consider, and the markets are constantly evolving, so what I have noted here is only a very rough outline of what is required. Please do your own research and make your own choices. It takes time, and once set up, the publishing of books becomes easier.
I should like to say a bit more about ISBN numbers, though let us be clear that a book can be published without an ISBN, which stands for International Standard Book Number.
However, if you are aiming to publish and want people to find your books, I strongly recommend buying your own ISBNs and allocating them to your book(s). An ISBN is a cataloguing tool that many libraries and public search facilities insist on. Once allocated to a book, an ISBN lasts a lifetime, ensuring that a book need never get lost.
I think the best way to elucidate on the workings of ISBNs (they are not complicated, but the way they work together can be) is to take examples from my own publishing choices. So, briefly, I publish on Amazon, to their internal market only (that is, within the Amazon group of companies only).
I also publish with IngramSpark, which gives me a UK base for sourcing copies of my books at affordable prices. I find that if I rely solely on sourcing books through Amazon alone, they may come from the US, in which case the costs of postage are prohibitive and the waiting times are frustrating.
The key to making this work, is to have no overlaps in the markets among your different distributors. So therefore, I publish on the Amazon internal market only – I avoid their extended distribution option – and publish with Ingram Spark, with the result that IngramSpark are my source for all copies outwith the Amazon network. No overlaps.
In this scheme, I use two ISBNs – which we can purchase singly, or in batches of ten – and allocate the numbers as follows:-
First ISBN – is for the paperback POD on both Amazon and on Ingram Spark.
Second ISBN – is for the e-book available outside the Amazon network though Ingram Spark.
To be clear, Amazon, always allocates a unique ASIN number to all e-books they publish in their kindle format on their platforms. There is no other option for Amazon e-books. But Amazon does allow publishers to use their own ISBNs for their print on demand paperbacks. Which is the same ISBN used for POD books on all other platforms, in my case, Ingram Spark.
I can run Ingram Spark and Amazon alongside each other because I opt for restricted distribution of Amazon products to the Amazon group of companies only, where the other distributors have no remit to venture. For sales outwith Amazon, Ingram Spark is my preferred distributor.
My next post will be my last before the long vacation, when I shall be taking time off to be with family. Thanks so much for reading, commenting and sharing.
April 1, 2019
If I can’t say no
Fran Macilvey 'Trapped: My Life with Cerebral Palsy', Fran Macilvey, Fran's School of Hard Knocks, Happiness Matters 10 Comments
If I can’t say no
I have a hard time saying no. I don’t want to disappoint people, so I make myself unhappy. Right? Wrong!
Reading books I don’t like, for example, that’s a big one. But honestly, how hard can it be? Read the book, post a review – or not – and that’s that. Except that it takes another several hours out of life – my life – reading another book I don’t especially want to. And it’s become another bad habit.
I’m not a book reviewer, though of course I delight in reviewing books I love. I would want to do that in any case, knowing how much I welcome reviews from supportive readers. (I welcome reviews from unsupportive readers too, but that is another story.) And generally, though I welcome reviews, I very rarely solicit them, as I feel that a book out in the public fends for itself, by and large.
But, partly because of my intensive stint of work on Authonomy, I’ve had to relearn how to read books for sheer pleasure, separating editing and critique from what I am reading for enjoyment, as far as I can. A process which has taken a few years – far longer than I expected it to.
So, of course, I should say NO to books that I don’t want to read, without having to list the reasons why not, or justify my choice to myself. Since the reasons are only for me and my conscience…
After all the hard work and the heartache to reach this day, if I can’t say No to what I don’t want, what has been the point of all my previous introspection and soul-searching? Saying No is absolutely key to getting around, finally, to doing what I want to do. Which, since it take effort and time, I deserve to prioritise.
It is not a mistake or a failure to lay aside a job that makes me feel heavy. It is, in fact, the way in which to make a happier, more soothing life, in which I find myself being kinder to myself and other people too. What’s not to like?
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